I’ve been dating a man for almost a year now — someone I knew had some rather cynical views on life, but I found it charming when I met him. I like a good snide remark, even if it’s directed at me, as long as the humor is good-natured. And we’re not going to solve all the problems of the world over the kitchen table.

But here’s the problem: My personal and political are linked. I help disadvantaged teenagers because I believe in fairness and the potential of all people. I belong to and support a union because I understand basic economics. I question authority and have been active on several issues on which “experts” have been wrong.

My boyfriend has not objected to my personal activities, which is awfully big on his part. Why can’t I be a big person, too?

Because, the economy is collapsing and this guy is still listening to the conservative radio ranters and saying it’s all because liberals tried to buy idiot poor people houses. Fairness? No, he thinks unfairness is good for the economy; the more the better because the rich give us jobs. In fact, people at the bottom don’t seem to have a right to exist. My disadvantaged teenagers seem to be a noble exception to his rule, or he just doesn’t see the connection. The wars? No problem. (He’s not fighting either of them, by the way.) It’s not just that I disagree with him; I wonder if there’s a brain in there.

If he wanted to debate fiscal and monetary policy, I wouldn’t be insulted in the least. I don’t expect him to start going to ACLU meetings. But is there a point where the personal meets the political? Didn’t we used to call that “values”?

This is sad, because I keep feeling guilty about looking for a way out when he has been nothing but generous and kind to me. Am I the problem here? Just a political know-it-all bitch? Too much of a hippie? Why does he even hang around?

By the way, he has a history of being with women like me. I knew his ex-girlfriend the feminist theorist artist slightly years ago, and have met his ex-wife the liberal yoga instructor. I have nothing against either one. He complains that they insulted his conservative family, and last summer I apparently did, too. Maybe we allow him to assuage guilt toward his family when he defends them against us. Maybe the Republican thing is a defense against intimacy.