He really is a wonderful and caring guy, but I had to I tell him to call me when he is divorced and has his stuff together, but by that time, I’ll probably have moved on.. how ironic life is..

I will never, ever do that again!! Too much heartache and pain.

Last year I helped the father to win the law suit initiated by his ex. As a result we were allowed to take the children off unnecessary Ritalin. He is pleased now that he sees positive changes in his kids, but gets mad at me whenever his ex jerks another string. He is also jealous of his kids towards me. Whenever I complain about the children’s behavior to their Dad, he tells me to leave and go away. Unfortunately, I became seriously sick, and I cannot work now. I keep taking all the humiliation and feel trapped in this relationship. Every day brings new kid issues and ex-wife issues, and with that more and more pressure. He says he never wanted these children, and that he does not want them in his sole custody, and would prefer to continue shuttling them for ever. The children and our whole life around them has become a battlefield. I withdraw to my bedroom when the kids are in our house. It is so sad. And I wanted to have a life, not leftovers.

I have never married, but have had several long-term relationships. This last one was with a wonderful woman with two children who had divorced only two months before we started dating.

Concerned, I asked her about it. She assured me that she was over him and that they had been separated before that, so it essentially was longer (not true — think of it as a family member being diagnosed with a terminal illness and the time that they pass — true grieving begins with the latter).

We spent a lot of time together in the next few months. We ate dinner together, I helped the children with their homework and fixed things up around her house, and sometimes they came to my house for dinner instead. We even flew out east to spend Easter with her family together.

As things progressed she kept asking me when I was going to propose because she had decided that I was the man for her. I had reservations because I didn’t want to be hurt again, but worked hard to get through those feelings and decided that she was someone that I could marry.

She must have sensed my new levels of commitment, because she called shortly afterwords to tell me that she wasn’t ready for a relationship. She wasn’t sure she entered into it for the right reasons, she wasn’t sure if I was the right guy for her, she wasn’t sure about a lot of things.

It seemed cruel to me. She sensed my hesitation, asked me to step up to the plate, and promptly showed me why I should have continued hesitating. Once I became emotionally vested the breakup was infinitely harder, and now I wonder if I can ever trust again.

My aunt counsels divorced couples and her advice is never to date until one year after the anniversary of the divorce. There are many issues that need to be worked through by the divorcee during that time, and a relationship will just confuse or delay the process. Having seen this first-hand, I agree with her.

Of course, in the beginning the guy would always aggressively pursue me, putting on the act that he was a sweet, wonderful, wounded guy who was seriously looking for a long-term relationship. That would last a few weeks, then would come the inevitable ‘I’m not ready for a relationship’. One guy even stated he was going back to his ex, after all that crap over the previous few weeks about it being ‘over’.

I kept telling myself not to generalize, that there had to be some good ones out there. Then my brother, who is divorced and remarried, told me that no man divorced for less than a year will ever commit to a real relationship, no matter how he acts as if he will, or how good you are. I didn’t believe it at first, but several more experiences taught me that he was correct.

The last divorced man I dated was someone I met at a professional event. I had no expectations of meeting anyone at all. Like the others, he pursued me aggressively and put on the act.

A few weeks later, we made plans to go out after work, He promised to call me at a certain time. Two hours later, no call, so I called him to find out what was going on.

He said ‘Oh, we’re not going out tonight. I decided to spend the evening with my son’. I asked why he didn’t call to cancel rather than letting me wait for two hours, and he went ape$hit crazy, accusing me of trying to keep him from his child.

Obviously I objected to that, and after some arguing eventually he saw that I wasn’t falling for that line. So he tried playing another kid card with a lecture that his child comes before dating, as if I had tried to force dating on him. I replied ‘If that’s how you feel, then you have no business going to parties picking up women’.

More arguing, more insults hurled at me…then he gave it one last shot with ‘I think we should just be friends’. I said ‘Umm, friends don’t treat each other that way’, hing up and told myself ‘NEVER again’.

That was the last divorced guy I will EVER date. I stuck to never-married men after that and eventually married one. I knew he was the right guy very soon because all the games and drama were glaringly absent with him. Just the healthy, real relationship we all dream of.

Women don’t realize this and her date might be showing-off. The truth is, he’s trying to snag you so he can live off of your income while he gets free nookie, free housekeeping and free meals.

You think wow he’s wonderful until you move in together and the truth slowly surfaces. He’s asking you to buy food. Then pay half the rent.

Then you chip in for xmas, bdays etc. Next he wants to buy a home with you. Afterall you have a huge settlement from your last marriage and he barely has settlement fees. The list goes on.

Fnd out your man’s alimony, child support, and income/bill ratio before getting too serious. You might find yourself more a sugarmomma than a loving companion!