Women start to worry when the signs of age become apparent. A woman that just turned 40 may feel insecure because she is not as young as she once was. She may feel that she is no longer attractive to her husband. Perhaps, she has even noticed him looking at younger women. The aging process can contribute to a woman’s insecurity about her appearance and her relationship.

Just because you are getting older doesn’t mean that your husband will leave you for a younger woman, but it does happen sometimes. There are usually contributing factors when a man leaves his wife of many years for a younger woman. It is rarely about age only. After all, he is getting older too.

What makes men start looking at younger women?
Of course, younger women have a physical appeal that attracts men, but men are usually seeking attention. Men have a need for attention and like to be admired. The need for attention can be stronger as men become older. Women shower their husbands with attention, affection and admiration when the relationships are new. Couples fall into a comfort zone as they grow older together. Sometimes people become too comfortable with each other and take each other for granted.

Women may not shower their husbands with as much attention as they once did and men long for the days of affection and excitement. A man may look for attention elsewhere if his wife takes him for granted for too long. Younger women are often attracted to older men for stability and security. Older men are flattered by the attention lavished on them by younger women.

A marriage that’s fallen into a rut…
Men may also complain that after being married for so many years that their wives do not take care of themselves anymore. Women may stop fixing their hair or putting on makeup. A man may complain that his wife has put on weight and walks around in her bathrobe all day. He may say that she does not wear attractive or sexy clothes anymore. An older woman may have a decreased sex drive and her husband feels neglected by her lack of sexual desire. A man may think that his wife is no longer interested in him if she stops caring for her appearance and becomes distant.

There are several ways a man can nudge his wife into taking better care of her appearance. He can suggest that they go out on a date. She will then need to fix her hair, wear something nice and apply makeup. The husband can even take her shopping for a new outfit. The husband can suggest activities such as hiking, bicycling, swimming or nature walks to lose weight and become more physically fit. He could even suggest taking a class together such as dance, yoga or aerobics. The wife may be prompted to take more interest in her husband and herself if the husband puts forth extra effort. More romance and attention can also fuel the sexual flame.

Regaining his attention
A woman that notices her husband taking interest in a younger woman will need to put forth the effort to re-gain his attention. She can remind him how much she loves him. She can spend more time with him and encourage him to participate in activities that he enjoys. She should take care of her appearance and dress attractively so that her husband will take notice of her.

An overweight woman should embark on a healthy diet and exercise routine after consulting her physician. She should make her husband aware of the steps she is taking to lose weight and get him involved by asking him to participate. He can help coach her to reach her goals by providing her with positive reinforcement.

The wife can let her husband know how much she needs him and how helpful he has been. Helping each other can bring them closer together. They can have fun together and spark their relationship on all levels. The husband may then realize he doesn’t need a younger woman to make him feel admired and needed. He just needed his wife to step out of her comfort zone and love him like she once did.

Rejection Breaking Up, Divorce, Rejection

Every girl needs to have a few excuses ready to go in case she changes her mind about a date. Sure, you can just be a straight-shooter, but what if you don’t want to hurt his feelings? What do you do if you want to go out with him again, just not tonight? What if the real reason that you can’t go is too unbearable to leave your lips? A little white lie never hurt anyone, and a few of them can definitely help you cancel a date in only five minutes or less without ruining the future of your relationship potential.

1. Give no excuse. Just ask to reschedule nicely.
No guy likes to have an anticipated date canceled, especially not last minute. Sometimes, it is effective to remain mysterious and stingy on the details, leaving him curious about your reason for ditching him. Is there someone else? Did you change your mind about him? Do you have something more important that you’d rather be doing with your time?

2. Tell him you accidentally double-booked.
While men do not like women who play games, they are competitive by nature. If you tell him that you said yes to the date without checking your schedule, it will make you a hot commodity. Canceling your date will let him know that there is competition for your attention. It does not matter whether it is from a good friend or a love interest.

3. You don’t own a cell phone, your watch’s battery died, and you had no idea what time it was. Rain check!
Most people own cell phones, so when a woman claims to not have one, it will intrigue her prospective love interest and cause him to take a double take on the woman who he would like to date—in a good way. She will seem different, and he will start to wonder about her hobbies, likes and dislikes. For example, does she read hardcover books vs. kindle-formatted books? Also, how many women still wear watches?

4. One of your friends just went into labor!
There’s no way a guy can get mad about your friend going into labor. Babies trump dates. Just never tell him your friend’s name because he might bring it up later in conversation. For the best results, keep this excuse short and sweet. After all, you have a hospital to get to pronto!

5. Your grandma is sick, and you have to stay in with her for the night.
Blame it on your grandmother’s health. There’s not much he has say about your grandma without coming off as a total jerk. He can’t insist that you blow her off or try to bargain with you. Just make sure that your grandmother lives locally to cover all of your bases in the future.

6. You have a work deadline that you overlooked in your calendar, and it needs to get done as soon as possible!
Be the ambitious career woman who puts herself first before any man. This attitude may sound conceited and self-absorbed, but men really dig confident women who know what they want. This little setback will only make a man want you more.

7. You’re really sick and don’t look or feel your best for a date.
Avoid putting on your “work call-out” sick voice with the extra cough to seal the deal. A fake sick voice will only make the situation more dramatic than it needs to be. Keep your voice low and just tell him that you are feeling under the weather. Say that you were looking forward to getting to know him more, but hopefully you guys can still do that another night. If he asks you what is wrong, tell him that you have a touch of the flu and refrain from going into details.

Canceling a date can be tricky. There is no right way to cancel. The only guide that you have is your desired outcome. If you don’t care to speak to the person again, you obviously don’t have to pay too much attention to what you will say to him. If you would like reschedule the date, extra measures have to take place. Whatever you do, always say it with a smile. Put a smiley face via text messaging, and most men will be less reluctant to blow you off for the next woman.

Dating Essentials Excuses, First Dates

A healthy romantic relationship is supposed to produce feelings of happiness and security but being involved with a controller can fill a person with anxiety and tension. Controllers are people with a personality disorder and they can make life hell for their romantic partners, family and anyone else close to them. Controllers may suffer from one or a combination of personality disorders.

This type of person feels they must control everyone and every situation in order to compensate for their own feelings of inadequacy. Relationships with controllers become stagnant because they cannot grow when one person seeks to dominate the other. There are several red flags that will indicate a relationship with a controller. Most controllers will not display these warning signs at first for fear that the relationship will end immediately but as soon as they feel they’ve reeled in their catch, the warning signs will begin to appear. Look for the warning signals.

Shallow Emotions
Controllers have very shallow emotions. They can attach and detach with amazing speed. They show very little remorse following a breakup, divorce or even the death of a spouse and can become involved in another relationship very quickly. They may find another romantic interest in as little as a couple of weeks or even days. They often display shallow emotions toward their loved ones, such as parents and even children.

Once a controller sets her sights on a love interest, she moves in quickly. She may outwardly declare her love and start talking about marriage in as little as 2 to 4 weeks of dating. Soon, she may announce that she is pregnant. Male controllers act in much the same way, usually proposing marriage soon after the start of the relationship.

Self-Centered
Controllers are very self-centered individuals that have a “me” mentality. A controller wants all of the attention to be focused on her. She has to be the center of her partner’s universe and she perceives anyone as a threat that may divert the partner’s attention away from her. The controller resents the time her partner spends with his children, family or friends and will try to control that aspect of his life.

Controllers have little regard for the concerns of others, focusing almost exclusively on their own needs. They often appear to act as though they are deeply concerned about others, displaying actions such as calling friends to ask how they are feeling, but in reality their behavior is only a mask to hide their own self-centered concerns.

Entitlement
Controllers have an enormous sense of entitlement. They believe that they have a right to be the center of attention. They feel they deserve respect, power or acknowledgement. They feel that they have the right to do whatever they want to do and that others should meet their demands. If their desires or demands aren’t met, they often react by creating a scene or punishing their partner with the “silent treatment.” Their behavior can be compared to a child that has a temper tantrum because he doesn’t get his way.

Isolation
A controller may fear that her partner’s friends and family will detect their controlling behavior and reveal her true intentions to her partner. In order to prevent this, she will attempt to isolate him from his friends and family. Controllers are natural manipulators and they will use manipulation tactics in order to exert control. The two most common manipulation tactics that controllers use are to make grandiose promises or threats.

They have a strong need to be in control and if they feel they are losing control they become threatened. They will try to get their partner to become angry at friends or family in order to create a rift and keep the partner isolated. The controller may tell the partner that friends or family are jealous of him or using him. A controller may go as far as telling her partner that his friend made a pass at her to get the friend out of the partner’s life. Controllers will also get angry if the partner’s friends or family come to visit.

A controller will try to prevent her partner from participating in outside activities. She will attempt to persuade her partner to abandon all hobbies and interests that she can’t have total control over. If her partner does participate in any activity, she will insist on accompanying him. A controller will even insist on taking the children along, knowing that her partner will have to focus his attention on her and the family, thereby preventing him from completely enjoying the activity. If the controller cannot prevent her partner’s participation in outdoor interests, she makes sure that she is present, so that she still has some degree of control.

Interrogation
People who are controllers would make excellent interrogators because they question their partners as if they had committed a crime. A controller will question her partner incessantly. She will want to know his whereabouts, who he talked to, what he did and all the details. A controller will call her partner several times a day, even when he is at work. If he doesn’t answer his phone right away, she will interrogate him.

Controllers often like money because they are self-centered but they also resent the amount of time their partners spend at work. Controllers have paranoid tendencies and will look through phones, wallets and other personal items for evidence of cheating. A controller may even go as far as following her partner around, spying on or stalking him.

Physical Abuse
Although most controllers exert control by using emotional abuse, some also use physical abuse. Both male and female controllers may hit, kick, slap, punch or otherwise physically abuse their partners. A controller may also display violent behavior by breaking items or destroying property to intimidate the partner.

Blame
Controllers love to play the blame game. They always blame the partners for everything that goes wrong in the relationship or more accurately, when they don’t get their way. When the controller doesn’t get her way, she becomes verbally abusive and tries to destroy what is left of her partner’s self-esteem. Then suddenly her personality will become sweet and docile. She will say she’s sorry, although she doesn’t really mean it and start making promises she doesn’t intent to keep. The next time she doesn’t get her way, the cycle of blame will begin again.

Know-it-All
Controllers are often know-it-all personality types. A controller will correct her partner all the time, in effect like she is disciplining a child. She sees herself as superior to her partner and others. She may insult his speech, dress or other behavior. Controllers act self-confident even though they have very low levels of self-esteem and often berate their partners in front of other people. They also tend to be arrogant and quick to make sarcastic remarks. The partner often feels as though he is walking on eggshells for fear of interrogation or never being able to do enough for his controlling partner.

Listen to Family and Friends
People are often blinded by their relationships and don’t always see the truth. People close to the partner of a controller are often able to see through the manipulative behavior. If the majority of the partner’s family and friends do not like the controller, it may be wise to listen. While it is always true that there will be people that don’t like others, in the case of a controller type relationship, family and friends are usually right. It is definitely wise to listen to what other people say regarding the controller and take it into consideration.

Fear of a Break-Up
If the partner has finally had enough and decides to get out of the relationship, the controller will panic and try a multitude of tactics to keep the partner from leaving. They will go to extreme lengths to stay in control of the relationship. A controller may beg, plead, cry or threaten the partner to make him stay. She will promise to change and may even threaten to commit suicide if he leaves.

If the partner does manage to escape from the controller, he should keep his distance and not return to the relationship. Once a person has left a controller, if he returns, the controller will make it even more difficult for him to leave again. Once a person has left a controller partner, she will call repeatedly and may even call the ex-partner’s friends and family members, begging them to tell the ex-partner to come back to her. She may send the ex-partner gifts or even show up at his workplace and cause a scene, begging him to come back.

Escaping the grasp of a controller personality type can be extremely difficult and stressful. In some cases, it may even be necessary to get a restraining order against the person. People with a controlling personality need professional assistance and should seek the help of a qualified therapist.

Resources and further reading:
Stanford.edu
MentalHealthMatters.com
Way2Hope.org

Relationships Abuse, Controller, Mental Abuse, Selfishness