When approaching someone who you’ve plucked up the courage to ask out on a date, you’re immediately presented with two choices. You can adopt a persona that (you think) will appear confident, charming, and witty, and hopefully impress the person. Or, you can accept whatever you may be feeling in the moment (including fear) and let her or him see you as you are. Being vulnerable when asking someone out isn’t necessarily the opposite of being confident. It just means being present and open – and not putting on any airs. Vulnerability can be disarming. It gives other people permission to let their guard down, too.

To be vulnerable means to trust in your instincts, in your natural self, more than any wit and charm that you might possess. What’s the point of assuming a false mask in an attempt to attract someone, anyway? If that first date leads to more, then eventually the person in question is going to get a feel for who you are, regardless. It’s far easier to be real up-front, and risk being rejected for who we are, than it is to try and disentangle, down the road, any false impressions that we’ve made. For that early “getting acquainted” period of time, an unassuming manner may leave the object of your interest with the best possible impression of you.

In any moment of honesty, there is risk. And approaching someone, who you don’t know real well, about the possibility of a date, is usually risky. If it isn’t, then it probably isn’t worth doing anyway, because the lack of fear on your part is a good indication that you don’t care much one way or another. Feeling vulnerable with the person you’re approaching just says that your interest is real.

Getting past your fear isn’t really the objective, then. The most genuine way to proceed is to feel your fear – but don’t let it stop you in your tracks. Besides, there can be something pleasurable about that fear. It gets your blood moving, and ushers a tingle of excitement into the air. Approaching the object of your interest with a little quaver in your voice will allow her or him to see that you’re really sincere.

The gift of vulnerability is that it allows us to show other people how we really are, without pretension. It doesn’t guarantee that we’ll win whomever we may be pursuing. But it will enable us to come across as real, as possessing integrity. Without that, we may end up resorting to boasts, canned lines, an excess of flattery, and other conversational faux pas that are bound to make us look like we’re full of hot air.

Self Confidence Be Yourself, Pick Up Lines, Self Confidence

So you’re finally ready to go on that first date, complete with your newly purchased outfit and perfectly coiffed hair. Your heart is likely aflutter with excitement! Now make the most of your new dating opportunity by impressing your guy. It’s best to be yourself in a relationship, but a first date is the time to show off your very best qualities and make a good impression. Avoid being these gals on your first date, and you’ll have a much better shot at that second date.

Meager Bird
This just in: men are becoming wise to the fact that women also need to eat to stay alive. The secret is out; eating two grapes and some lettuce without dressing is not nearly enough to provide the proper nutrition you need to sustain a healthy body. Nevertheless, women often order the most meager selection on the menu for their first date. Contrary to popular belief, this actually makes many men uncomfortable, feeling self-conscious about what they have ordered and wondering if it’s perceived as too much. This doesn’t mean you need to order the biggest steak and potato dinner on the menu, but at least order something you actually enjoy. Your date will notice you enjoying your dinner, and will likely feel you are a confident woman who can order and eat whatever she wants, whether you are a size 2 or 22.

Chatty Cathy
Women have a natural tendency to talk far more than men, and this is only magnified on the first date because of nerves. Because men process information more quietly, they need a break from all the chatter to digest what you are saying. So before your first date, practice allowing moments of silence in your conversations, so you are not perceived as a Chatty Cathy, which can be overwhelming to a man. Practicing these moments of silence and then using this skill on your date may even result in your date taking the opportunity to talk more!

The Princess
So maybe your food is not perfectly prepared, or it’s too humid outside which makes your hair horrible, or perhaps your feet hurt from the four-inch heels you are wearing. Your first date is not the time to complain about every single thing that bothers you slightly. Instead of focusing on the things about your day or week or year that have gone wrong, focus on all those things that have gone wonderfully, and mention those things to your date instead of complaining. Making a list beforehand will do wonders in helping you prepare, so you don’t come off as The Princess to your date.

With a little preparation before your first date, you will be ready to avoid being these types that send your brand new guy running for the door, and it may even lead to another date and another down the line.

Dating Essentials Chat, First Dates, Women

In the wake of the economic downturn, financial woes have taken a dire toll on lovers and married couples, with deeds of financial betrayal driving a wedge between romantic partners. Secretive acts of spending money, holding secret accounts of stashes of money, and incurring debt unknown to your significant other – these scenarios are a sure sign that financial infidelity has taken a foothold in your relationship.

How can you identify if your love life is at risk from financial infidelity? What are some factors which signal the presence of deception?

Personal Risk Factors
Individual beliefs and attitudes about money issues play a key role in the fostering of financial infidelity. Couples which fit the high-risk group tend to find communication about finances a challenge, and will lapse into reticence the moment such matters crop up. This inability to maintain an open and calm communication about money indicates a weak relationship lacking in trust, emotional connection, and a healthy bond.

Common behavioral patterns which indicate a personal high risk situation include:

• Regularly lying about daily expenditures and purchases,
• constantly fighting with your partner when discussing money issues, and
• hoarding money for secret purchases without telling your significant other.

Social Pressures
Society has reached a point where it is often common practice to assess your partner’s worth based on his or her financial status and ability to attain material items. Couples who use money to flaunt their worth are highly likely to engage in power struggles with their partners, as they attempt to keep up with the Joneses. Such individuals will embark on a journey to acquire high-ticket items such as designer wear, exclusive addresses, and luxury cars at all cost.

People who strongly believe in meeting the demands of such societal pressures are often disappointed in relationships where their partner appears to be less wealthy than expected, or who fails to be in sync with their material goals. If the problem is not duly addressed, the unhappy individual eventually gets driven into committing financial infidelity.

External Risk Factors
Stressful situations in the professional field, family environment, and personal life, also play a crucial role in influencing the act of financial duplicity.

Spouses who have been caught in the wave of the economic recession and lost their jobs, a change in household dynamics where the breadwinner role is switched, and a significant increase in salary compensation due to a job promotion – these are common scenarios which have contributed to treacherous money behaviors in relationships.

Family factors such as a recent huge purchase of a new asset, property downsizing, and major medical bills due to sickness in the family etc, typically act as a catalyst in cultivating financial infidelity.

The personal lives of couples can also have a huge impact on their financial stability. Couples who have undergone a major shift in their relationship status from singlehood to marriage soon discover that deception is slowly taking root in the household. Similarly, personal experiences of mid-life crisis or fear of aging have resulted in an upsurge of financial treachery.

Should you find any of the above factors and scenarios familiar, there is no need to panic – understanding and identifying financial infidelity early in its stage development can help you and your partner open up a safe and honest dialogue with each other, and give the problem a quick nip in the bud before permanent damage sets in.

Relationships Infidelity, Money