Maybe you’ve been burned before…you found out your ex was cheating on you, spending joint money behind your back, or otherwise betraying your trust. Maybe the situation was much worse than that; he or she was emotionally or even physically abusive. You survived, but now you don’t trust your own judgment. Or maybe things have been fine in the past, but your new flame seems a little…off. For the purposes of this article, “he” is used throughout but the fact is that loserhood knows no gender. Any kind of person is capable of this kind of behavior, and being young or in a same-sex relationship doesn’t make you immune either. Here are a few warning signs:

1. Your friends don’t like him. It’s mutual. Most people hesitate to criticize a friend’s new honey, so if your friends say something negative, you should treat this like a flashing red siren of “this guy is trouble.” Likewise if he is antagonistic towards them. Abusers will typically try to isolate the victim from any possible means of support. Alienating all of your friends is part of his master plan. Lose him instead.

2. Alternately, if he’s too charming with your friends. You might be thinking “flirtation” but there’s another possible motive…basically, convincing everyone how great he is so that if there’s a big fight, everyone will blame it on you. This is another isolation move. It is typically employed by men rather than women, but has been done by both genders. It’s wonderful if you all get along…but your new SO should not be better buddies with your buddies than you are.

3. He expects you to drop everything to go do what he wants. All the time. Sometimes things come up. Sometimes people plan surprises. But if it’s a constant pattern, especially if it’s accompanied by emotional storms or coldness when he doesn’t get his way…it’s nothing more than a control tactic. Other control tactics include checking up on you constantly, invading your privacy, and making you feel guilty. Kick him to the curb.

4. Instant commitment. This is not about love, it’s about making sure of you. Anyone would do. Another ploy most often used on women, but you’d be surprised how many men out there are susceptible to this. If you’ve been dating less than six months and he wants to move in together, back away slowly. If you just started dating and he starts talking marriage, run.

5. He’s rude to people in service positions, or from whom he doesn’t want anything. It’s the old “look how he treats the waiter” adage…which is old and tried because it’s true. If he’s sweet as pie to you, but nasty to the valet, he is not a good person. As soon as he feels he has his hooks in you, he won’t be sweet any more.

6. He puts you down. Ever. The earlier in the relationship, the worse it is. But it’s never good. Contempt and love do not go together.

7. He crosses serious lines, then apologizes, then does it again. Abusers will test potential victims to see how much they will tolerate. If this is a recognizable pattern in your relationship…get out of there. It will only get worse…and worse, and worse.

8. Your gut is telling you something is wrong. Do you find yourself making excuses for him? To your friends, or to yourself? Do you feel a sense of relief when he isn’t around? (Does he check up on you?) If so, your instincts are trying to tell you something. Listen to them.

Relationships Abuse, Violence

Does your dating style need an intimacy boost? Finding it hard to get up close and personal with someone you care about? Could be you’re spending too much time saying way too little – and the endless cyber-chat is knocking the romance straight out of your inbox and into the trash bin. If this sounds like you, it’s time to log off all the digitals and dial up some better ways to communicate – here’s how.

Make Plans the Old-Fashioned Way – via Telephone
Setting up a date via e-mail can certainly be a convenient way to re-confirm a time and place, but if you’re e-planning every hook-up, things can get pretty chilly. A keypad just can’t express warmth and enthusiasm the way your voice can – so pick up the phone and try connecting the old-fashioned way, at least some of the time.

Tone Down the Texting
If you’re spending hours on end texting each other from the comfort of cyberspace – you’re playing it safe, but not necessarily smarter. Too much digital-flirting can lead to boredom and loss of interest if the two of you don’t take it to the next level. Use your cell to boost the romantic vibe, and set stage for something hotter – in person.

Keep Your Eyes on Each Other – Not your Laptop
Playing video games or surfing the web can be fun, relaxing ways to hang out together, but watch for digital over-drive. Too much screen time can pose serious problems when your honey starts to feel ignored or underappreciated. Learn to read the signals – when either of you starts getting bored or restless – it’s time to log-off and focus on each other.

Resolve Conflicts in Person
All couples fight now and then, but the way you resolve disagreements can truly make or break the relationship. E-mailing and texting might seem like hostile-free zones but, in reality, they can land you in even more hot water. The written word only goes so far in expressing hurt feelings, and misinterpretations can lead to an emotional avalanche, if you don’t have a chance to hash things out face-to-face.

Don’t Air it all on Facebook
If you’re a facebook junky in the habit of updating your every move, you may want to think again when it comes to your love life. Though it’s fine to post some of your latest pics, keep more intimate feelings to yourself. Mature relationships require discretion and privacy, and posting lots of personal details may embarrass your partner or trivialize a blossoming romance.

Of course, digital hook-ups have plenty of upsides; texting or e-mailing can help you stay connected and even ignite some post-date fireworks. Just don’t let your keypad sub too often for more intimate forms of communication, or you’ll miss important opportunities to know each other better, work through differences and, ultimately, deepen the relationship.

Relationships Facebook, Mobile Phone, SMS

Zoosk is a fun and simply way to meet others in your area. Members can use the service on the website but they also has their own Facebook application, and if you choose, you can sign up to Zoosk through your Facebook account. Facebook will offer you the choice of passing your email to the site, or you can skip this step and enter it yourself on the registration page.

Just provide your email and password on the first page, followed by your location on the next. After completing this step, you’ll be asked to provide some personal details and a Zoosk username. Some of this information is visible to other members on what’s called your “Date Card”. You can add as much detail as you like to your Date Card, including your likes and dislikes, your favorite music and films and who you would like to meet. You can also pick from a list of pre-set “ice breakers”, which are questions that will appear on your Date Card. Simply click any number of these, and anyone contacting you can give you their answers. You’ll also need to upload a photograph. Your profile will be active without a photo however you won’t be able to email other members without one.

If you choose, you can also invite your friends to write testimonials about you. By doing this, your contacts from your Hotmail, Live or Gmail email accounts will be sent a message asking them to write a testimonial for you. To complete this step, you’ll need to provide the password to your email account.

There are two levels of membership on Zoosk, free and premium. Premium members pay a monthly subscription fee, and can access all features on the site and communicate with others without any restrictions. Free members have some basic privileges, can send winks and flirts, and browse profiles. Free members can earn (or purchase) Zoosk Coins. These allow the purchase of certain things on the site, such as gifts, or they can be used to grant chat and email privileges (unlocking e-mail messages for example).

Coins can either be purchased directly with a credit card, or they can be earned, for example, by getting your friends to join to the site. Premium members will only need Coins for special purchases such as gifts, or special delivery emails.

Reviews Facebook, Social Networking, Zoosk