Last month we talked about how to decide if a relationship is not working. This month we’re going to give some tips for actually making the break if you’ve made the decision that the relationship isn’t going well. It’s never easy, but if you follow these rules, you should be able to make a clean break without too much drama.

• Don’t break up in a public place – It is inconsiderate to take someone on a date to break up with them. If your date becomes upset, you may both be embarrassed if you’re in public. Ask to come over to their home and talk, instead.
• Don’t break up with a letter or email – That just proves you’re a coward. If you’ve been dating the person, you owe them the courtesy of telling them face to face.
• Be kind, but be honest – Don’t say “It’s not you; it’s me”, or any of those other tired clichés. Tell your partner the truth; but do it in a kind and compassionate way. They are sure to appreciate your honesty and respect your courage.
• Don’t call it a “break” – Saying “we need to take a break” is just a way of breaking up without actually saying so. If you know that you want the break to be permanent, just say so.

Breaking Up Breaking Up, Relationships, Truth

It’s always disappointing when we find that the person we’re dating is just not the “one” for us. But, at some time or another, most of us will be in the position of thinking we want out of a relationship, and we need to know how to make the decision. Sometimes it’s pretty easy to know it’s time to get out, but other times we’re torn. To help make it easier to decide what to do, ask, yourself these questions:

What exactly is bothering me about the relationship?
Some issues are ones we can work with while others are “deal breakers”. For example, if your issue includes a big difference in basic values, such as ethics or honesty, you may have no option but to end the relationship. However, if your problem is that your partner works too much, there might be hope. You may just need to talk to your partner and see if they’re willing to change some habits to fix the problem.

How do I feel about the person?
If you’ve fallen in love with the person, you’ll likely be more willing to resolve differences than if the relationship is still casual. Taking the time to honestly ascertain your level of attachment can help avoid regretting your decision if you end the relationship.

Am I being realistic?
Take an honest look at your expectations in a partner and in a relationship. If you are constantly breaking up with the people you’re seeing because they don’t meet your expectations, then perhaps your relationship expectations are unrealistic. You’re never going to find someone who is perfect, so be sure you don’t let go of a quality relationship because you think “something better might come along”.

Am I prepared to make a clean break?
If you’re thinking about breaking up to get more attention from your partner, or to get them to work harder on the relationship, then you should rethink your plans. If you break up to get attention, your plan may well backfire.

Next month, we’ll look at how to deliver break up news.

Breaking Up Breaking Up, Differences, Love, Workaholics

Social networking websites are an integral part of today’s online dating scene, both as resources for finding potential partners and communication tools for sharing relationship information with your circle of friends. All of this connectivity is generally a pretty good thing, at least as long as your relationship is in good standing.

But what happens if your relationship ends? How have Facebook and other social networking websites influenced the way people break up in today’s world?

It’s not unheard of for one person to break up with their partner via Facebook rather than doing it face to face. As cold as that seems, for some people it seems perfectly natural to use social networking for that purpose; they use it for all of their other communication purposes, so why not use it to end a relationship?

Even if the break up does occur face to face, Facebook and other social networking sites often create situations where the hurt (and hurtful actions) can continue to go back and forth for a very long time. How quickly does he change his status to single? How fast does she take down the pictures of him from her page? When will either of them post new pictures of a new love interest, and how will each of them react to this action? And we haven’t even begun to talk about the issue of friends choosing sides over whatever happened to cause the relationship to end.

Overall, the best advice I can give you is to avoid using Facebook or any other social networking website to break up with a partner or to get back at a partner following a break up. Although it might be very tempting, keep in mind that the hurt this approach can cause will nearly always create even more issues and problems down the road.

Breaking Up Facebook, Social Networking