Everyone wants to find the perfect partner. It seems to come more easily for some people than for others. Perhaps one of the reasons that many people find it so difficult to find a partner has to do with the expectations they have of their relationships and their partner.

It’s important to be realistic about what you want and need from a mate. Nobody’s perfect, and no relationship is perfect. If you find yourself having trouble finding the right partner, or the right relationship, keep the following three things in mind when you consider what’s really important to you.

• Be open to types you haven’t considered –I can’t even count the number of female friends who have immediately ruled out a man as a potential partner for some superficial reason, without even getting to know him first. Expectations like “they must have a college degree” or “they can’t have been married before” limit the number of people we are open to meeting, and may cause us to pass over someone who could have been the love of our life.
• Don’t expect to find someone who likes everything you like – Many people are looking for their mirror image. Not only will this prove difficult to find, but if you do find it, you might end up being incredibly bored. It is important to agree on basic values and goals, but beyond that, liking all the same things is not necessary. 15 years ago if you had told me that I would have married an ex-Navy sailor who loved antique cars and fishing, I would have said you were crazy. But that’s who I ended up marrying and it has worked beautifully in part because we’re so different.
• Don’t expect your partner to meet all your emotional needs- Expecting one person to fulfill all your needs is not only unrealistic, but it puts a terrible burden on your partner. Both of you will still need to have friends and interests apart from each other in order to be fulfilled.

Dating Essentials Attraction, Expectations, Fussy, Partner

Ever since the fiasco involving “gate crashers” at a state dinner at the White House earlier this year, the subject of gate crashers has been more and more in the news lately. While the Secret Service is all focused on preventing this sort of thing from happening again at the White House, in the world of online dating the subject of gate crashers has come to the forefront.

What are online dating gate crashers? They are, quite simply, people who join and participate on niche dating sites without actually falling into that niche group. So for instance, on a specialty online dating site focusing on Jewish singles there are lots of members who really aren’t Jewish at all. They don’t necessarily lie about their religious affiliation because the site lets them select from a number of options (including “not active in the Jewish faith”) but they knowingly go onto the site looking for other singles when they have no history of being Jewish and no intention of converting.

The result? Frustration, for the most part. Imagine yourself as someone for whom religious faith is important, going out on a date with someone you met on the site. Now imagine what happens when you find out that apparently terrific person isn’t really part of your preferred faith after all. Another popular target for the “date crashing” crowd is the niche sites focusing on matchmaking wealthy clients. But that’s the subject of my next post.

The lesson here is to make sure you confirm details such as this during the “get to know you” phase of online interaction. This is especially important if you are looking for someone via a specialty or niche dating site. If that niche quality is really important to you then it’s in your best interest to verify the other person feels it is just as important as well.

Dating Essentials Gate Crashers, Lies, Money, Niche Dating, Religion

It wasn’t very long ago that using an online dating service was considered scandalous. Cheap. Embarrassing. And yes, really desperate. Thankfully times have changed a great deal and online dating is no longer something you hide from your family and friends. Online is now mainstream, and there is more than just anecdotal evidence to prove this.

A major research study conducted at Stanford University recently shows very clearly that online dating is no longer something to hide in the closet, but is in fact quickly becoming the first choice for singles looking to meet other singles like themselves. Going online is not only socially acceptable now, but it is also the preferred way for more and more singles to connect with each other. The Stanford research, conducted by sociologist Michael Rosenfeld, revealed that significant numbers of singles now actively choose to go online rather than go out to offline venues to look for other singles.

According to Rosenfeld’s study, the groups most likely to prefer online dating are lesbians, gays, and heterosexuals who are middle aged. When you stop to think about it for a moment this actually make sense; online dating allows singles to search for a partner in a way that is more anonymous than going out in person, plus it gives singles access to a much larger pool of potential dates than going out in person.

There will always be plenty of people who prefer to meet other singles in traditional offline venues, but if you’re looking for that someone special it might be more productive for you to focus more of your efforts online.

Dating Essentials Desperate, Friends, Social Networking