One of the things I hear from singles all the time is how hard it is to decide when and how to turn a dating relationship from casual to exclusive. How do you know it’s the right time to bring up the subject? What happens if the other person doesn’t want what you want? And how devastating is it when your mutual expectations don’t match up and the relationship comes to an end?

There’s no right or wrong answer to any of these questions, but it they all get to the heart of an issue that sooner or later every single person who is dating someone else must address: should you date each other exclusively or continue to play the field? Go for exclusivity too soon and you’re likely to scare the other person off (guys, you all know this applies mostly to you!), but continue playing the field for too long and the exact same thing is likely to happen.

The best approach is not to stress over it or worry about it. It’s far better to just let things progress naturally rather than try to “force” the issue when the time isn’t right. There’s something called the Law of Attraction that states “what you pay attention to grows stronger”. This is absolutely true when it comes to worrying about exclusivity vs. playing the field; the more you worry about it, the stronger that worry becomes, and the stronger that worry becomes the more you worry about it. The cycle just goes on and on and on, pretty soon making both of you miserable and unhappy.

In most cases, it’s best to just let go of those thoughts and focus instead on simply enjoying the time you spend with that other person (or persons). Over time, if the relationship continues to grow and strengthen the question of whether to date each other exclusively or continue dating other people will very likely resolve itself quite naturally and easily!

Relationships Attraction, Casual, Serious

We all have seen the commercials and heard the hype about how some dating sites use “scientific” methods to match people based on personal characteristics, compatibility, and the like. But does this really work? Is there any evidence to show that there truly is a science to matchmaking? The answer is, it depends.

Let’s start with what it means to take a scientific approach to matching singles with each other. For paid online dating sites like eHarmony.com and Match.com, this means taking known research about the things that tend to cause marriages to fail (smoking, age differences, lack of common interests, etc.) and using this information to match people together. The theory is if they can minimize the problem areas that often lead to divorce in the first place, they can match singles more successfully and get better results.

The problem has been in actually verifying this as a successful matchmaking method. EHarmony.com and Match.com recently published their “success rates”, but these are put out there in terms such as the number of emails exchanged per year, the number of “winks” sent out each year, and the number of dates their users go on each year. This is interesting information (mostly for advertisers) but doesn’t necessarily help determine if their matching methods succeed where it really counts – helping you find someone special to share your life.

Do I think dating sites that use this approach are necessarily bad? No, of course not. There are plenty of singles who have found partners using this kind of approach. All I’m saying is it’s a good idea to have an objective view of what they’re offering and promising if you’re going to choose to use their services.

Relationships eHarmony, Match.com, Matchmaking, Science, Success

But is it that easy?

When you are dating, you need to recognize that finding someone and falling in love with someone are not necessarily one and the same. While you might want to be with someone and do all of the right things to attract them, this does not guarantee that you will find the right person.

You need to begin to ask yourself if you are ready to dating at all. This question becomes all the more important when you haven’t dated in a while or when you’ve had a particularly bad breakup recently. If either of these are the case, you need to begin by working on yourself and your issues before you can let someone else in.

This means taking a few moments to consider your role in the demise of your previous relationship. What could you have done better or differently? In addition, you need to look at your exes to see what they have in common and what you want in a new partner that is the same or that is different.

You also need to realize that falling in love might be an instant thing, but a relationship is not. In order to make a real relationship work, you need to spend time nurturing it with communication and with a concentrated focus.

Not everyone is ready for love, but that doesn’t mean they will never be. It just might take a little longer.

Breaking Up, Relationships Attraction, Breaking Up, Exes, Holidays, Love, Relationship, Singles