Many people who’re romantically involved dread hearing words to this effect from their significant other: “We need to talk about what’s going on with us.” The reason why these words can evoke such fear in us is because we tend not to hear any hope in them. “We need to talk” might as well translate to “It’s over”. The opportunity that was really there – to remember our vision for the relationship and acknowledge where maybe we’ve fallen short of that vision – is therefore oftentimes not recognized. But a partnership that can’t encompass occasional conflicts, and process them, has no room in which to evolve. When it falls into a rut, it stays there – or it ends.

A partnership is, in effect, a commitment between two people to keep growing together. This means that problems will be identified, dragged out into the open, and talked about. Any conflict can really be seen as simply an obstruction that stands between two people and the love that they feel for each other. Thus, it may not represent a “problem” at all, but rather an opportunity to get back to the love. We can take advantage of the moment, then, by honestly expressing our own point of view, listening respectfully to what our partners have to say, or both.

Desires, expectations, hopes, and dreams…all these things should be openly acknowledged, both to ourselves and to our partners. Otherwise, disappointments will fester beneath the surface. Disappointments are really there to tell us that there were certain ways in which we expected love and consideration from our partners and didn’t receive it. We can pretend that we’re all right with the status quo. But if we’re really not, then that dissatisfaction will find its outlet, in large or small ways that undermine whatever good feeling exists within the relationship. The same thing will happen if our intimate partners don’t tell us what’s on their minds.

Freedom of expression should always be allowed – indeed, encouraged – on both sides. And any time is a good time to talk. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a long discussion. In fact, one of the best tactics can be to quickly clear up misunderstandings as soon as they occur. That way they can’t accumulate, over time, into bigger issues. If you ever find yourself reacting to your partner with anger that’s out of all proportion to whatever is happening in the moment, this is a good sign that you’ve been carrying around accumulated frustration that should’ve been aired sooner.

Most of the reasons why relationships fall into a rut can be resolved with good communication. Disturbing influences need to be called by name. Doing so will rob them of much of their power. Ignoring disturbances never makes them go away, and both partners – particularly if they live together – will feel the simmering tension and uneasiness. This can only be diffused if both of them are willing to talk it out.

Relationships Communication, Talk

With worldwide travel becoming much more affordable and a greater movement of people looking for work it has become much more likely that you will date someone from another country. A cross-cultural relationship can be a truly amazing experience. There is so much to learn and so much to explore, it is a great opportunity to broaden your horizons. However, it’s not always easy to get beyond the first few dates because of differences in language and culture & religion. Here are a few tips to make sure your new relationship gets over those initial hurdles.

Language
One of the main causes of conflict in a relationship, especially a new one, is the language differences. Miscommunication is an issue at the best of times but if you don’t both speak the same language there is a lot more potential for misunderstanding. If you are both speaking in a third language this can also be difficult because one partner is usually more fluent than the other.

Whatever language you do decide to converse in, the key is to be as patient as possible. Always make sure you speak clearly and remember not to speak too fast. In addition, mumbling, making jokes or using phrases that only a native would understand will all put pressure on your relationship. Over time you will both improve your language skills but in the beginning it is very important to be careful what you say and how you say it.

On the other hand, if your partner does speak a different language it can be a great opportunity for you. Learning another language has many benefits including improving your mind (and your CV!) but there is nothing better than to hear ‘I love you’ in your native tongue.

Cultural and religious differences
You may find that your new partner comes from a country with very strong traditions and significant cultural differences from your own. Try to learn as much as you can about where you partner is from, what the culture is like there and in particular what their religious beliefs are.

It can be quite surprising what is considered acceptable or not in another culture, especially where women are concerned. Potential causes of conflict could be what you can wear, what you can say and to whom, whether or not you can go places on your own and what is considered to be your role in the household. Some cultures are strict and their traditions can be jarring if you come from a liberal country.

To avoid or at least minimise potential problems, it is worth learning as much as possible about their culture as soon as possible. Be very careful with what you say and how you act at the start of the relationship. Don’t change who you are but be a little cautious until you know what might cause offence and what is acceptable.

In both instances flare-ups are usually accidental. One of you may have done or said something without thinking or without even realising it might cause offence. When this occurs just take a step back, think before you start speaking and just remember that it probably wasn’t done on purpose. Not many people want to start an argument or want to antagonise their partner so try to be as understanding as possible and try to resolve the problem before the situation deteriorates.

Cross-cultural dating is a great opportunity to expand your learning. Your new partner can teach you so much about his or her country, culture, language, traditions and religion. If you can overcome these first few problems, it is a great chance to learn more about the world we all live in.

Relationships Culture, Interracial, Long Distance Relationship

In the wake of the economic downturn, financial woes have taken a dire toll on lovers and married couples, with deeds of financial betrayal driving a wedge between romantic partners. Secretive acts of spending money, holding secret accounts of stashes of money, and incurring debt unknown to your significant other – these scenarios are a sure sign that financial infidelity has taken a foothold in your relationship.

How can you identify if your love life is at risk from financial infidelity? What are some factors which signal the presence of deception?

Personal Risk Factors
Individual beliefs and attitudes about money issues play a key role in the fostering of financial infidelity. Couples which fit the high-risk group tend to find communication about finances a challenge, and will lapse into reticence the moment such matters crop up. This inability to maintain an open and calm communication about money indicates a weak relationship lacking in trust, emotional connection, and a healthy bond.

Common behavioral patterns which indicate a personal high risk situation include:

• Regularly lying about daily expenditures and purchases,
• constantly fighting with your partner when discussing money issues, and
• hoarding money for secret purchases without telling your significant other.

Social Pressures
Society has reached a point where it is often common practice to assess your partner’s worth based on his or her financial status and ability to attain material items. Couples who use money to flaunt their worth are highly likely to engage in power struggles with their partners, as they attempt to keep up with the Joneses. Such individuals will embark on a journey to acquire high-ticket items such as designer wear, exclusive addresses, and luxury cars at all cost.

People who strongly believe in meeting the demands of such societal pressures are often disappointed in relationships where their partner appears to be less wealthy than expected, or who fails to be in sync with their material goals. If the problem is not duly addressed, the unhappy individual eventually gets driven into committing financial infidelity.

External Risk Factors
Stressful situations in the professional field, family environment, and personal life, also play a crucial role in influencing the act of financial duplicity.

Spouses who have been caught in the wave of the economic recession and lost their jobs, a change in household dynamics where the breadwinner role is switched, and a significant increase in salary compensation due to a job promotion – these are common scenarios which have contributed to treacherous money behaviors in relationships.

Family factors such as a recent huge purchase of a new asset, property downsizing, and major medical bills due to sickness in the family etc, typically act as a catalyst in cultivating financial infidelity.

The personal lives of couples can also have a huge impact on their financial stability. Couples who have undergone a major shift in their relationship status from singlehood to marriage soon discover that deception is slowly taking root in the household. Similarly, personal experiences of mid-life crisis or fear of aging have resulted in an upsurge of financial treachery.

Should you find any of the above factors and scenarios familiar, there is no need to panic – understanding and identifying financial infidelity early in its stage development can help you and your partner open up a safe and honest dialogue with each other, and give the problem a quick nip in the bud before permanent damage sets in.

Relationships Infidelity, Money