When approaching someone who you’ve plucked up the courage to ask out on a date, you’re immediately presented with two choices. You can adopt a persona that (you think) will appear confident, charming, and witty, and hopefully impress the person. Or, you can accept whatever you may be feeling in the moment (including fear) and let her or him see you as you are. Being vulnerable when asking someone out isn’t necessarily the opposite of being confident. It just means being present and open – and not putting on any airs. Vulnerability can be disarming. It gives other people permission to let their guard down, too.

To be vulnerable means to trust in your instincts, in your natural self, more than any wit and charm that you might possess. What’s the point of assuming a false mask in an attempt to attract someone, anyway? If that first date leads to more, then eventually the person in question is going to get a feel for who you are, regardless. It’s far easier to be real up-front, and risk being rejected for who we are, than it is to try and disentangle, down the road, any false impressions that we’ve made. For that early “getting acquainted” period of time, an unassuming manner may leave the object of your interest with the best possible impression of you.

In any moment of honesty, there is risk. And approaching someone, who you don’t know real well, about the possibility of a date, is usually risky. If it isn’t, then it probably isn’t worth doing anyway, because the lack of fear on your part is a good indication that you don’t care much one way or another. Feeling vulnerable with the person you’re approaching just says that your interest is real.

Getting past your fear isn’t really the objective, then. The most genuine way to proceed is to feel your fear – but don’t let it stop you in your tracks. Besides, there can be something pleasurable about that fear. It gets your blood moving, and ushers a tingle of excitement into the air. Approaching the object of your interest with a little quaver in your voice will allow her or him to see that you’re really sincere.

The gift of vulnerability is that it allows us to show other people how we really are, without pretension. It doesn’t guarantee that we’ll win whomever we may be pursuing. But it will enable us to come across as real, as possessing integrity. Without that, we may end up resorting to boasts, canned lines, an excess of flattery, and other conversational faux pas that are bound to make us look like we’re full of hot air.

Self Confidence Be Yourself, Pick Up Lines, Self Confidence

Dating is supposed to be fun, right? Yet, so many of us are crippled with fear at the idea of approaching the opposite sex. It comes from a lack of confidence. We fear rejection and worry about what other people think about our looks and our personality. You see, many of us tend to focus on our flaws when it comes to connecting with the opposite sex.

We all have friends who approach the bar scene or any other potential meeting place with comfort and ease. And, we envy them. The difference between us and them is simply the fact that they see what they have to offer, while we see all the things we perceive as being “wrong” with us.

But, there’s hope for all of us who approach meeting a potential date with trepidation. Here are some ways to build your confidence. You’ll likely find that better confidence helps you in many areas of your life.

• Make a list of the things you like about yourself. Are you funny? Intelligent? Well-educated? Successful? Refer to your list before every outing that includes possibly approaching a member of the opposite sex. It will help you remember what you have to offer.
• Go out with friends who are good at meeting members of the opposite sex. Take advantage of your friends who seem to naturally attract members of the opposite sex. They can help you to get into a group setting, with several people to talk to. You may find that you do better once the initial ice is broken.
• Talk to people without an agenda. If you talk to someone with no expectations, then you’re not disappointed if no connection happens. The bonus is that your skills improve.
• Try meeting people online. Online dating is one of the most popular ways to meet members of the opposite sex. And, it’s great for someone who’s a little shy about striking up a conversation. Many people find it much easier to flirt and talk via email or online chat.

Self Confidence Friends, Rejection, Self Confidence

When you’re down on your luck, sometimes the last thing you want to do is to go out and to meet people. After all, who wants to be with someone who’s moping around and is depressed? But when times are tough, why not reach out to others – you might find love in the process.

If you’ve found yourself ‘between jobs,’ getting out of the house is one of the best things you can do for your mood. Instead of sitting around, worrying about your life, you should think about ways you could help those even more less fortunate – by volunteering. Not only will this fill your days, but it will also fill your heart.

You will feel better about your situation and in turn, you will be able to meet others who are in the same position as you. Working toward a common goal is a great way to meet someone who you might even consider dating – after all, you already have one thing in common. And as an added benefit, knowing that someone else is volunteering their time and talents shows you just how nice of a person they might really be.

So, why not help others while helping yourself at the same time? This recession might just be the best opportunity to spread love and to receive love in return.

Self Confidence Depression, Lonely, Money, Recession, Volunteering