One of the things I hear from singles all the time is how hard it is to decide when and how to turn a dating relationship from casual to exclusive. How do you know it’s the right time to bring up the subject? What happens if the other person doesn’t want what you want? And how devastating is it when your mutual expectations don’t match up and the relationship comes to an end?

There’s no right or wrong answer to any of these questions, but it they all get to the heart of an issue that sooner or later every single person who is dating someone else must address: should you date each other exclusively or continue to play the field? Go for exclusivity too soon and you’re likely to scare the other person off (guys, you all know this applies mostly to you!), but continue playing the field for too long and the exact same thing is likely to happen.

The best approach is not to stress over it or worry about it. It’s far better to just let things progress naturally rather than try to “force” the issue when the time isn’t right. There’s something called the Law of Attraction that states “what you pay attention to grows stronger”. This is absolutely true when it comes to worrying about exclusivity vs. playing the field; the more you worry about it, the stronger that worry becomes, and the stronger that worry becomes the more you worry about it. The cycle just goes on and on and on, pretty soon making both of you miserable and unhappy.

In most cases, it’s best to just let go of those thoughts and focus instead on simply enjoying the time you spend with that other person (or persons). Over time, if the relationship continues to grow and strengthen the question of whether to date each other exclusively or continue dating other people will very likely resolve itself quite naturally and easily!

Relationships Attraction, Casual, Serious

Just in case you’re not feeling enough pressure going into that upcoming first date you have scheduled, here’s something else to keep in mind: about two thirds of all singles will decide whether to see someone again within the first 30 minutes of a date.

Yes, that’s right. You have 30 minutes to make a good impression on that other person if you want there to be a second date. If you’re really lucky, though, your date will be among the 22% of singles who are willing to give you up to an hour before they make up their minds.

Does any of this surprise you? It shouldn’t, really, considering the fast paced world in which we live. In a society where the emphasis is on getting what you want faster (think drive thru espresso stands) and having to take care of many different responsibilities each day (think multi-tasking or juggling two jobs), it’s no wonder that we’ve developed the same “short term” approach to our dating habits. We think we don’t have a moment to waste, so even on a date we’re inclined to be rushed and make fast decisions.

Age has a lot to do with this trend. In general, people under age 40 are most likely to make these fast judgments, while people over age 40 are more likely to give things a bit more time. But you don’t want to dally with this older group, either, as they are probably only going to give you an hour or so before making their decision.

So the next time you go out on a first date, put a rush on it; you only get one chance (and about 30 minutes) to make a good first impression!

Dating Essentials Age, Attraction, Speed Dating, Work

So much time, effort, and money goes into dating that you would think we would have a better idea of what kind of relationship is really “right” for us. Unfortunately, though, most people simply drift from date to date and relationship to relationship, hoping for something special to develop but doing very little to actually make it happen.

The problem it seems is that we simply do not know what kind of match is best based on our long term goals. There are two basic kinds of matches – the “boyfriend/girlfriend” and the “husband/wife”, both of which have definite characteristics that affect both short term and long term relationship success. This week let’s look at the first of these, the boyfriend/girlfriend match.

A match like this is based most often on having fun together. It is carefree, focused on having a good time, and often includes a touch of adventure or even danger in the mix. Two people in this kind of match are not thinking about long term commitment, or sometimes even short term commitment for that matter. No, they are most intent on enjoying each other’s company, doing interesting things, and sampling what the world has to offer. It’s pretty common for this kind of couple to be opposites when it comes to their personalities; opposites attract, after all, and it is this sense of being with someone who is very different from yourself that makes this kind of match so appealing.

There’s nothing wrong with finding and enjoying a boyfriend/girlfriend match, of course. The key is to understand it for what it is (and what it isn’t) and make a conscious decision about whether or not to choose this kind of a relationship approach.

Next up: The husband/wife match!

Dating Essentials Attraction, Boyfriend, Girlfriend, Personality, Relationships