Everyone wants to find the perfect partner. It seems to come more easily for some people than for others. Perhaps one of the reasons that many people find it so difficult to find a partner has to do with the expectations they have of their relationships and their partner.

It’s important to be realistic about what you want and need from a mate. Nobody’s perfect, and no relationship is perfect. If you find yourself having trouble finding the right partner, or the right relationship, keep the following three things in mind when you consider what’s really important to you.

• Be open to types you haven’t considered –I can’t even count the number of female friends who have immediately ruled out a man as a potential partner for some superficial reason, without even getting to know him first. Expectations like “they must have a college degree” or “they can’t have been married before” limit the number of people we are open to meeting, and may cause us to pass over someone who could have been the love of our life.
• Don’t expect to find someone who likes everything you like – Many people are looking for their mirror image. Not only will this prove difficult to find, but if you do find it, you might end up being incredibly bored. It is important to agree on basic values and goals, but beyond that, liking all the same things is not necessary. 15 years ago if you had told me that I would have married an ex-Navy sailor who loved antique cars and fishing, I would have said you were crazy. But that’s who I ended up marrying and it has worked beautifully in part because we’re so different.
• Don’t expect your partner to meet all your emotional needs- Expecting one person to fulfill all your needs is not only unrealistic, but it puts a terrible burden on your partner. Both of you will still need to have friends and interests apart from each other in order to be fulfilled.

Dating Essentials Attraction, Expectations, Fussy, Partner

One of the things I hear from singles all the time is how hard it is to decide when and how to turn a dating relationship from casual to exclusive. How do you know it’s the right time to bring up the subject? What happens if the other person doesn’t want what you want? And how devastating is it when your mutual expectations don’t match up and the relationship comes to an end?

There’s no right or wrong answer to any of these questions, but it they all get to the heart of an issue that sooner or later every single person who is dating someone else must address: should you date each other exclusively or continue to play the field? Go for exclusivity too soon and you’re likely to scare the other person off (guys, you all know this applies mostly to you!), but continue playing the field for too long and the exact same thing is likely to happen.

The best approach is not to stress over it or worry about it. It’s far better to just let things progress naturally rather than try to “force” the issue when the time isn’t right. There’s something called the Law of Attraction that states “what you pay attention to grows stronger”. This is absolutely true when it comes to worrying about exclusivity vs. playing the field; the more you worry about it, the stronger that worry becomes, and the stronger that worry becomes the more you worry about it. The cycle just goes on and on and on, pretty soon making both of you miserable and unhappy.

In most cases, it’s best to just let go of those thoughts and focus instead on simply enjoying the time you spend with that other person (or persons). Over time, if the relationship continues to grow and strengthen the question of whether to date each other exclusively or continue dating other people will very likely resolve itself quite naturally and easily!

Relationships Attraction, Casual, Serious

Just in case you’re not feeling enough pressure going into that upcoming first date you have scheduled, here’s something else to keep in mind: about two thirds of all singles will decide whether to see someone again within the first 30 minutes of a date.

Yes, that’s right. You have 30 minutes to make a good impression on that other person if you want there to be a second date. If you’re really lucky, though, your date will be among the 22% of singles who are willing to give you up to an hour before they make up their minds.

Does any of this surprise you? It shouldn’t, really, considering the fast paced world in which we live. In a society where the emphasis is on getting what you want faster (think drive thru espresso stands) and having to take care of many different responsibilities each day (think multi-tasking or juggling two jobs), it’s no wonder that we’ve developed the same “short term” approach to our dating habits. We think we don’t have a moment to waste, so even on a date we’re inclined to be rushed and make fast decisions.

Age has a lot to do with this trend. In general, people under age 40 are most likely to make these fast judgments, while people over age 40 are more likely to give things a bit more time. But you don’t want to dally with this older group, either, as they are probably only going to give you an hour or so before making their decision.

So the next time you go out on a first date, put a rush on it; you only get one chance (and about 30 minutes) to make a good first impression!

Dating Essentials Age, Attraction, Speed Dating, Work