When approaching someone who you’ve plucked up the courage to ask out on a date, you’re immediately presented with two choices. You can adopt a persona that (you think) will appear confident, charming, and witty, and hopefully impress the person. Or, you can accept whatever you may be feeling in the moment (including fear) and let her or him see you as you are. Being vulnerable when asking someone out isn’t necessarily the opposite of being confident. It just means being present and open – and not putting on any airs. Vulnerability can be disarming. It gives other people permission to let their guard down, too.

To be vulnerable means to trust in your instincts, in your natural self, more than any wit and charm that you might possess. What’s the point of assuming a false mask in an attempt to attract someone, anyway? If that first date leads to more, then eventually the person in question is going to get a feel for who you are, regardless. It’s far easier to be real up-front, and risk being rejected for who we are, than it is to try and disentangle, down the road, any false impressions that we’ve made. For that early “getting acquainted” period of time, an unassuming manner may leave the object of your interest with the best possible impression of you.

In any moment of honesty, there is risk. And approaching someone, who you don’t know real well, about the possibility of a date, is usually risky. If it isn’t, then it probably isn’t worth doing anyway, because the lack of fear on your part is a good indication that you don’t care much one way or another. Feeling vulnerable with the person you’re approaching just says that your interest is real.

Getting past your fear isn’t really the objective, then. The most genuine way to proceed is to feel your fear – but don’t let it stop you in your tracks. Besides, there can be something pleasurable about that fear. It gets your blood moving, and ushers a tingle of excitement into the air. Approaching the object of your interest with a little quaver in your voice will allow her or him to see that you’re really sincere.

The gift of vulnerability is that it allows us to show other people how we really are, without pretension. It doesn’t guarantee that we’ll win whomever we may be pursuing. But it will enable us to come across as real, as possessing integrity. Without that, we may end up resorting to boasts, canned lines, an excess of flattery, and other conversational faux pas that are bound to make us look like we’re full of hot air.

Self Confidence Be Yourself, Pick Up Lines, Self Confidence

Why didn’t he/she call? You seemed to really hit it off, there was playful banter, even some touching and canoodling. So, why didn’t you get that call for a second date?

First of all, it’s probably not your fault. You just didn’t know the ‘rules.’ (No, not those other rules.)

Rule #1 – Don’t get too personal

While you might want to profess your entire life story to this new person, it’s not generally the best idea. So, leave the stories about your exes at home and try to talk about them instead.

Rule #2 – Don’t be rude

Always bring enough money to pay, cover your mouth when you cough or sneeze, don’t talk with your mouth open, etc. All of those manners that your mother tried to teach you? Use them. And don’t even think about arguing that ‘Well, this is just the way I am.’ It’s still rude and it’s certainly not going to win you any points.

Rule #3 – Don’t try to be crazy

Somewhere along the line, the idea that quirky = good got passed along to singles around the world. So, people began to try to be overly funny or weird as they thought it might appeal to a prospective partner.

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

Being odd, if that’s a part of your personality, is fine, but being weird for the sake of being weird – not so great. Leave your singing of the names on the menu and rhyming everything that you say at home, locked far away from sunlight.

Be yourself!

Breaking Up, Rejection, Tips and Ideas Be Yourself, Crazy, Dump, Exes, Rules, Weird

While it seems like there are new television shows every season that show neurotic singles looking for love, that’s fiction, right? In truth, maybe art is more like life than we think it is. Maybe we really are getting a bit over obsessed with dating, with meeting new people, and with finding that one perfect love. After all, if we’re so great and wonderful and perfect for dating (as so many experts tell us), why haven’t we found someone yet?

Neurotic seems to be an understatement sometimes.

But does that mean that we need to talk to a therapist about our dating woes? Maybe, but maybe not.

Going to a therapist can be a great way to begin to learn how to build your confidence in all areas of your life – even outside of dating. This person can talk you through past dates to figure out what you could have done differently in order to make things go better the next time around.

On the other hand, experience can also be a good teacher. The more you head out onto dates, the more you will learn about dating – that is, what to do and what to avoid at all costs.

Here are some signs that you might need professional guidance in your dating troubles:

• You haven’t had a good date. In years.
• All of your relationships end in the other person breaking up with you.
• Your friends have tried to point out things you could do differently.
• You don’t feel confident about your ability to ask someone out.
• You get so nervous that you have troubles being yourself on a date.

Dating is hard, but therapy can be harder. Actually with this in mind, maybe dating isn’t so difficult after all – at least you don’t have to pay someone to tell you how to do it. Of course, it may be the way to finally win the dating game.

And that’s a good investment.

Self Confidence Be Yourself, Love, Meet People, Self Confidence, Shrink, Therapy