One of the most difficult things to do after a relationship is over is to remain friends with your former spouse or partner. This can be a very complex matter, especially if the partnership ended through a court process with lawyers representing each party. We all realize that a lawyer’s sole purpose is to get the best deal possible for their client, so they may not be concerned in most cases, with the emotional bond that exists or existed before the relationship ended. They simply want what is best for their client, and it should come as no surprise that their own self interest is part of the equation.

Find a way to maintain a friendship

If a breakup isn’t the result of emotional or physical abuse, and the couple remains civil with each other, the best case scenario is to find a way to maintain a friendship. This is especially true when young children are involved. Children are very impressionable, especially at an early age, and can be manipulated intentionally or even unintentionally when one parent holds a grudge against the other. Sadly often in a broken down relationship, one parent will deliberately use a child as a pawn to turn them against the other parent.

Never use the children to try to hurt your ex partner

Whether it’s resentment due to jealousy or a means of revenge, attempting to hurt an ex partner emotionally or otherwise, is fundamentally wrong. Unfortunately this type of immature behavior may have a long term negative impact on a child, by being denied the opportunity to build a strong relationship with a responsible parent. Emotional warfare can easily backfire when the child reaches maturity and realizes they have been used for this destructive purpose. Then resentment towards the offending parent is very likely to take place and may not be reversible.

Try to maintain a sense of security and stability for the children

What adults sometimes forget is that their children are also dealing with a divorce, and can be harboring fears of what may happen in the future, after their parents separate. This is why it is fundamentally important to remain on good terms with your ex in order to maintain a sense of security, especially for younger children. It is also very difficult for children to take sides in a dispute between parents, as they are emotionally attached to both. For this reason, and no matter how difficult it is, parents must strive to respect one another in order to reinforce a balanced relationship with each other and their children, as they grow older.

Meeting someone else

Eventually, both separated individuals are likely to meet another person and begin a new relationship. Hopefully if a separated couple has been open and honest and shown respect towards each other, this should be a smooth transition period. However, it’s also a little more complicated now that one has to consider their new partner’s feelings about an ongoing relationship with an ex wife or husband. There isn’t a secret formula for the success of a relationship, however the key to maintaining a happy one means building trust. One must tell their new partner that the former relationship is truly over and the reason for keeping in contact is solely for the purpose of maintaining a good relationship with their children.

Honesty and communication build trust, and if two people share this view, they may avoid the mistakes of the past and create a successful happy new life together.

Breaking Up Abuse, Breaking Up, Divorce, Kids, Lawyers

Finding a good relationship is hard; staying in one can sometimes even be harder. And, one of the reasons that it is sometimes so hard is because people have these expectations about how a relationship is supposed to work that make them give up too soon. Are you the victim of one of these five relationship myths?

• 1. Great relationships require that we completely understand each other.
  If you’re looking for a partner who completely understands you, or one that you understand completely, prepare to be disappointed. Men and women are different, and we should celebrate our differences.

• 2. To have a great relationship, we must solve all our problems.
  There are many problems in a relationship that can never be solved. As long as you can agree to disagree about some things, you can still have a great relationship.

• 3. We must be able to sustain our initial romantic feelings forever.
  Every relationship needs romance, but we can’t expect that initial feeling of giddiness to go on indefinitely. At some point, that early passion you feel will change. But, it doesn’t mean you’re not in love. If you move on every time the giddiness fades, you’ll never be in a long-term relationship.

• 4. I should be able to say whatever’s on my mind.
  You will always need to take care to protect your partner’s feelings. While you should be able to talk about your feelings honestly, you must be still be careful not to say something you might regret later.

• If I’m in the right relationship, it will have nothing to do with sex.
  While good relationships have many layers, the sexual aspect is very important to long-term success. The sexual aspect of our relationship is critical to healing the little irritations of life and relaxing as a couple. Sex is an essential part of any successful long-term relationship.

Finding the right partner is difficult in any case. However, if we place unrealistic expectations on our relationships, we can make finding a mate downright impossible. But, if we keep our relationship expectations realistic, we give ourselves a much better chance of finding true love.

Relationships Breaking Up, Couples, Partner, Sex, Truth

Last month we talked about how to decide if a relationship is not working. This month we’re going to give some tips for actually making the break if you’ve made the decision that the relationship isn’t going well. It’s never easy, but if you follow these rules, you should be able to make a clean break without too much drama.

• Don’t break up in a public place – It is inconsiderate to take someone on a date to break up with them. If your date becomes upset, you may both be embarrassed if you’re in public. Ask to come over to their home and talk, instead.
• Don’t break up with a letter or email – That just proves you’re a coward. If you’ve been dating the person, you owe them the courtesy of telling them face to face.
• Be kind, but be honest – Don’t say “It’s not you; it’s me”, or any of those other tired clichés. Tell your partner the truth; but do it in a kind and compassionate way. They are sure to appreciate your honesty and respect your courage.
• Don’t call it a “break” – Saying “we need to take a break” is just a way of breaking up without actually saying so. If you know that you want the break to be permanent, just say so.

Breaking Up Breaking Up, Relationships, Truth