It’s always disappointing when we find that the person we’re dating is just not the “one” for us. But, at some time or another, most of us will be in the position of thinking we want out of a relationship, and we need to know how to make the decision. Sometimes it’s pretty easy to know it’s time to get out, but other times we’re torn. To help make it easier to decide what to do, ask, yourself these questions:

What exactly is bothering me about the relationship?
Some issues are ones we can work with while others are “deal breakers”. For example, if your issue includes a big difference in basic values, such as ethics or honesty, you may have no option but to end the relationship. However, if your problem is that your partner works too much, there might be hope. You may just need to talk to your partner and see if they’re willing to change some habits to fix the problem.

How do I feel about the person?
If you’ve fallen in love with the person, you’ll likely be more willing to resolve differences than if the relationship is still casual. Taking the time to honestly ascertain your level of attachment can help avoid regretting your decision if you end the relationship.

Am I being realistic?
Take an honest look at your expectations in a partner and in a relationship. If you are constantly breaking up with the people you’re seeing because they don’t meet your expectations, then perhaps your relationship expectations are unrealistic. You’re never going to find someone who is perfect, so be sure you don’t let go of a quality relationship because you think “something better might come along”.

Am I prepared to make a clean break?
If you’re thinking about breaking up to get more attention from your partner, or to get them to work harder on the relationship, then you should rethink your plans. If you break up to get attention, your plan may well backfire.

Next month, we’ll look at how to deliver break up news.

Breaking Up Breaking Up, Differences, Love, Workaholics

Dating is all about meeting new people, getting to know them, and hopefully finding a person to be that “special one” in your life. It’s a long process in most cases, filled with plenty of dates and opportunities to spend time with potential partners. The fairy tale side of dating is all about meeting the perfect person the first time around and living happily ever after; the reality of dating is, unfortunately, quite a bit different.

The vast majority of people have a few “false starts” along the way toward finding that special person; it’s almost inevitable, really. But how, exactly, are you supposed to handle those situations when you’ve dated someone once, twice, or even a few times, and you just don’t feel that “spark” of wanting to spend time with them anymore?

This is a big challenge because let’s face it, having to tell someone they’re “not your type” or letting them know you don’t want to continue dating is very, very hard. It’s tough to give that kind of honest feedback to another person and it’s tough to hear that kind of honest feedback from someone else. It might be tempting to avoid having that kind of straightforward conversation, but have it you must. It’s the only way to end the situation with dignity, respect, and integrity.

Here are some quick “do’s” and “don’ts” to help you through the process:

Don’t

• Lie about your reasons
• Break up via text message, Twitter, or Facebook
• Blame yourself for everything
• Get angry, defensive, or emotional

Do

• Be respectful and honest
• Be gentle with the other person’s feelings
• Explain your reasons clearly and succinctly

Do your best to part on reasonably good terms

When you don’t feel that spark for another person, remember it’s perfectly okay. Just deal with the situation honestly and then focus your attention on other opportunities to meet new people.

Rejection Breaking Up, Emotions, Lies, Social Networking

The world is full of songs (some good, some bad) about breaking off relationships for all kinds of reasons. If only it were as easy as some of them make it out to be! The reality is that you’re probably going to go through several different potential partners before finding that really special one, so sooner or later you’re going to have to face up to it.

You’re just not feeling it with a particular person and you want to break it off – now what?

Breaking up is hard to do (my apologies to Neil Sedaka) but it’s not impossible to do if you go about it the right way. While there’s no single “best” way to end it and move on, there are some general things to keep in mind:

1. Be honest. This is really, really, really hard to do. It’s tough to honestly tell someone you’re not interested in seeing them anymore, so it’s tempting to make something up. Don’t give in to this temptation because it’s only going to end up badly. It’s far better to open a conversation, share your honest feelings, and exit the situation gracefully.

2. Do it in person. Sometimes this isn’t possible, but if you can do it in person that’s the best choice. This doesn’t mean spending a long evening together and then springing it on the other person at the end, but it does mean having the courage to say what you need to say to his or her face.

3. Never burn a bridge. Old advice for sure, but still valid in today’s world. Never end a relationship by saying or doing mean things to the other person, even if it’s really, really tempting to do so. It’s a small dating world out there, and if you treat someone badly during a break up I can almost guarantee it will come back to haunt you at some point.

Breaking Up Breaking Up, Feelings, Rejection