You’ve seen all of the commercials promoting certain online dating sites and their supposedly “advanced” matching of singles based on a large number of compatibility factors. These same dating sites show lots of examples of couples matched up through their programs that have gone on to get married, the idea being to convince you to spend your hard earned money to join their site.

While these kinds of online dating services, such as eHarmony and PerfectMatch do have a lot of success matching singles up for dating, the evidence on whether or not those matches actually end up creating lasting and stable marriages is somewhat murky. It turns out that some areas of compatibility are more important than others, having a much larger influence on the long term success of a relationship.

Age – Although some online dating sites will tell you age alone is not important, recent research tells us otherwise. It turns out that large differences in age (greater than three to five years) is a major factor in whether or not a long term relationship and/or marriage will survive.

Drinking – Whether or not either person drinks alcohol also has a major influence on long term relationship success. If one person drinks and the other does not, the chances of that relationship ending in divorce more than doubles.

Smoking – Smoking is also a major factor on relationship success; if one partner smokes and the other doesn’t, research tells us the chances of that relationship ending in divorce more than triples.

So what’s the lesson here? Certainly there is a lot of value to matching up with other singles whose values and other preferences parallel your own, so from that perspective it can be helpful to use an online dating site that looks at those things. However, those same web sites very likely don’t have success rates that are dramatically higher than if you were to pay attention to critical compatibility factors on your own.

Dating Essentials Age, Compatibility, Smoking

Sure, the elections in the U.S. are over, but that doesn’t mean some people have turned off all political thought. In a world where liberal thinkers and conservative thinkers co-exist, there will most certainly come a time when you’re on a date with someone who is the complete opposite of you in terms of political opinion.

So, what happens then?

For some couples, they have successfully managed polar opposite political thoughts, enjoying the opportunity to be with someone who shows them the other side of the debate.

For others – if you’re not what they are, you might want to leave. NOW.

This is why it’s generally sage advice to avoid the political discussion until later in the relationship. You’re not avoiding the topic, but merely putting it on the backburner in order to focus on getting to know the person before knowing their ideals.

(And in truth, most people’s political colors will shine through, even if they aren’t mentioned.)

Of course, this does beg the question: do you dump someone just because they don’t agree with you? Seems a little silly when you put it that way, for certain, but just as with religion and babies, some ideals are deal breakers in relationships.

And if politics is one, you need to be upfront from the start. That way, you can both cast your ballots the way you want and you both find someone to love who believes in you as much as they believe in their opinions.

Conversation Topics Compatibility, Debate, Dump, Opposites, Politics, Religion

Long distance relationships used to be rather rare. After all, you used to simply date those who were in your zip code because it was easier, it was more convenient, and that’s who you knew.

But in today’s world of electronic communication and better transportation, things are changing. We meet people who aren’t in our city and we begin relationships with those in other parts of the country.

The only question is – can these relationships work? Yes, yes they can. Here’s how:

• Be clear about what you want – If you just want someone to date, that’s fine, but if you’re looking for a long term partner, you need to say so up front. Having conflicting ideas about where the relationship is headed is an easy way to create a long distance disaster.
• Communicate often – This is a time when communication is easier than ever. So, make sure to talk often and to talk about things other than what you did today.
• Visit each other – You can’t build and sustain a relationship on emails and instant messaging alone. You need to both be willing to visit each other until you make a decision to break up or move into one location together.
• Be thoughtful – Since you’re not in each other’s lives on a daily basis, you will want to make sure you are being extra thoughtful about special occasions.
• Be honest – When you feel as though things aren’t working out, let the other person know, try to work things out, and if it’s still not working, be honest about it.

Long distance relationships don’t last forever, as someone always moves in the end when they work out. So, to make sure yours goes the distance, follow this advice.

Dating Essentials Communication, Compatibility, Foreign, Long Distance Relationship