After dating someone for a while, this is the question you start to ask yourself. The older we get, however, the more likely we are to question our “gut” about such things. If you’re starting to think your new love might be “the one” here are four questions to ask yourself to be sure.

• Are things completely natural between you? When you find the right person, there is no pretense; you’re no longer trying to impress them. You believe they love you for who you really are.
• Do you agree on the most basic values? For two people to have a long term commitment, they have the same basic values. In the long run, two people with very different ideas on honesty, family relationships and integrity will not last.
• Do you want the same things long term? Having similar long term goals is critical. Do you agree on whether or not to have children? Do you share religious beliefs, or have you come to an agreement about your differences in this area? If not, you can’t really be sure yet that this person is “the one”.
• Can you imagine life without them? Think about your life if the relationship ended. If you find that you can’t imagine how you could be happy without this person in your life, then he or she may be “the one”.

Diary Children, Compatibility, Marriage, Relationships

You’ve seen all of the commercials promoting certain online dating sites and their supposedly “advanced” matching of singles based on a large number of compatibility factors. These same dating sites show lots of examples of couples matched up through their programs that have gone on to get married, the idea being to convince you to spend your hard earned money to join their site.

While these kinds of online dating services, such as eHarmony and PerfectMatch do have a lot of success matching singles up for dating, the evidence on whether or not those matches actually end up creating lasting and stable marriages is somewhat murky. It turns out that some areas of compatibility are more important than others, having a much larger influence on the long term success of a relationship.

Age – Although some online dating sites will tell you age alone is not important, recent research tells us otherwise. It turns out that large differences in age (greater than three to five years) is a major factor in whether or not a long term relationship and/or marriage will survive.

Drinking – Whether or not either person drinks alcohol also has a major influence on long term relationship success. If one person drinks and the other does not, the chances of that relationship ending in divorce more than doubles.

Smoking – Smoking is also a major factor on relationship success; if one partner smokes and the other doesn’t, research tells us the chances of that relationship ending in divorce more than triples.

So what’s the lesson here? Certainly there is a lot of value to matching up with other singles whose values and other preferences parallel your own, so from that perspective it can be helpful to use an online dating site that looks at those things. However, those same web sites very likely don’t have success rates that are dramatically higher than if you were to pay attention to critical compatibility factors on your own.

Dating Essentials Age, Compatibility, Smoking

Sure, the elections in the U.S. are over, but that doesn’t mean some people have turned off all political thought. In a world where liberal thinkers and conservative thinkers co-exist, there will most certainly come a time when you’re on a date with someone who is the complete opposite of you in terms of political opinion.

So, what happens then?

For some couples, they have successfully managed polar opposite political thoughts, enjoying the opportunity to be with someone who shows them the other side of the debate.

For others – if you’re not what they are, you might want to leave. NOW.

This is why it’s generally sage advice to avoid the political discussion until later in the relationship. You’re not avoiding the topic, but merely putting it on the backburner in order to focus on getting to know the person before knowing their ideals.

(And in truth, most people’s political colors will shine through, even if they aren’t mentioned.)

Of course, this does beg the question: do you dump someone just because they don’t agree with you? Seems a little silly when you put it that way, for certain, but just as with religion and babies, some ideals are deal breakers in relationships.

And if politics is one, you need to be upfront from the start. That way, you can both cast your ballots the way you want and you both find someone to love who believes in you as much as they believe in their opinions.

Conversation Topics Compatibility, Debate, Dump, Opposites, Politics, Religion