By now, most dating sites have added instant messaging (IM) features. They’re a fun way to flirt in real time with people you’re interested in. IM can also be an easy way to gauge chemistry. After all, if you can’t hold a conversation over IM, it’s doubtful that you’ll be able to do so in person. However, you should exercise care with the feature. Because of the on-the-spot nature of IMs, it becomes especially vital to stay on your toes to ensure that the interest level of the person you’re chatting with remains high. If you inadvertently bore or offend them, the IM session is not going to end with the flirtatious exchange of phone numbers. However, using IM the right way is a great way to impress someone with your confidence and your skills as a conversationalist. Here’s how:

1. Don’t Start With “Hi”

While “hi” is a perfectly nice thing to say, it’s not incredibly interesting. Almost anyone who receives their fair share of attention on a dating site with IM features routinely gets so many “hi”s that they become easy to ignore. Your opener should make it obvious that you read their profile and were so interested that you simply had to IM them. For example, asking someone their opinion of the book that they just read cries out for a response much more urgently than a generic greeting. Think of something memorable and unique to them. The effort you put forth will put a smile on their face.

2. Ditch the Small Talk

Chit-chat about the weather or what you both did last weekend won’t do much to increase their interest level. Flex your conversational muscle. Be funny, witty, and always interesting. They’ll love the way your IMs keep them on their toes. Don’t be afraid to be confident and respectfully flirtatious. It’s a much bigger risk to be boring and safe, especially during a conversation that can end immediately. Don’t have them close your window with a yawn — keep it lively.

3. Keep the Conversation Short

Don’t overstay your welcome. Once it’s clear that they’re interested, bring the conversation to a gentle close. Leaving them wanting more is infinitely preferable to a long IM session that exhausts all conversation and has them ending it with a bored “Anyway…” Unless the interest level is through the roof for both of you, you probably shouldn’t ask for a date immediately. But you should advance the idea of a face-to-face meeting in the near future. Tell them about a cafe you love or a new restaurant you’re dying to try. Make it obvious that you’re interested in their company and that you intend to raise the stakes sooner rather than later. A little forwardness can work in your favor. Even during a first conversation.

4. Be Interesting — But Be Interested, Too

In your conversation, make it very clear that you read their profile. Ask them questions about themselves, about their careers and extracurricular passions. A genuine interest will be much more attractive to them than any line. Listening skills can be apparent even over IM. And, yes, they’re very attractive.

5. Use IM to Quickly Move Past IM

Even the most fascinating IM sessions will soon lose their thrill. After two or three (at most), ask for a face-to-face meeting and a number. Too many IMs will make them wonder if you’re looking for a chat buddy instead of a romantic partner. Once you rapidly escalate the interest level via IM, you should strike while your text banter still makes them smile. If you wait too long, they’ll undoubtedly move on to someone with more initiative.

Dating Essentials Conversation Topics, Flirting, Instant Messaging

We’ve all heard that open communication is the key to a good relationship. But, do we really know what that means? What’s the difference between open communication and simply talking to our mate about our day to day lives? Here are some keys to using communication to make your relationship work.

• Don’t assume that your partner knows how you feel – This is one of men’s pet peeves about women – we don’t tell them what we want. When we assume that our partner can read our thoughts or feelings, we set ourselves up to be disappointed when they don’t respond the way we would like. Tell your partner how you feel, and even be willing to tell them how you need them to respond when necessary.
• Be a good listener – When your partner talks to you, really listen to what they’re saying. If you are immediately defensive or dismissive with your partner when they try to address an issue, they will begin to believe that you don’t value their feelings and that talking to you is fruitless.
• Don’t bottle things up inside- Address issues when they arise. I know this is easier said than done. Fear of the reaction we might get when we bring up something unpleasant is the biggest reason we avoid it. But, when we hold things in, we create tension and frustration, which makes us more likely to get angry when we finally do discuss the situation with our partner. Talking about issues when they come up helps us to keep the issues in perspective and avoid tension and frustration.

Conversation Topics Communication, Conversation Topics, Flirting, Relationships

No team goes out to face their rivals without a little assistance, so why not get a coach on your side to help you with the game of online dating? After all, there are life coaches, sports coaches, and fitness coaches – why not a dating coach as well?

These coaches can help you learn how to find the person who will be a good match for you – and then they’ll be able to motivate you to meet up with them and begin a relationship.

Having an outside opinion and perspective will also allow you to see where you might be making mistakes in your dating strategy, while also helping you see where your strengths lie as well.

You can find these dating coaches through many online venues (of course) or you can look to life coaches to help you specifically with your dating decisions.

While it’s true you will need to pay for these services, a little investment of money can actually pay off in the end. Choosing the right person the first time can save you from having to pay for bad dates and quick cab rides to escape a boring conversation.

But just as with any person you date, it can help to take your time choosing your coach – after all, you’ll be spending time either on the phone or in person with them too. Don’t want to have a bad matchup there too.

So, do you need a dating coach to find your dating coach? Just saying…

Dating Essentials Buddy, Conversation Topics, Dating Coach, Motivation