In bygone centuries, the rules of courtship and marriage were a lot more clear-cut than they are today. Certain forms were followed (most of them revolving around people’s social and economic standing) and then matches were made. These relationships typically had stability (i.e., they rarely ended in divorce) even if they didn’t necessarily foster happiness. In more recent decades such forms have been largely discarded, however, and the “playing field” has opened considerably. Men and women have been given more leeway to break out of their traditional roles in society. We have more choices in today’s world with regards to the kinds of relationships that we want to form.

But with choice comes responsibility, and we’re now left with the complex challenge of finding partners with whom we can share trust, common interests, values, and attraction, among other things. As the high incidence of divorce attests to, this is not always easily done. But there are some crucial ways in which the Internet can come to our aid in the modern day and help us to meet people with whom we have true compatibility.

It can be easy to take for granted, now that the prevalence of online dating sites has made the experience almost commonplace, but the opportunity to put our very core values, interests, beliefs, and dreams upfront in a profile for all to see is something without precedent in human history. It is a tool that, if used conscientiously, can help us to hone our quest for a mate and hold out for true compatibility. We’re better able to take fate into our own hands instead of waiting for miracles. “Soul mates” have managed to find one another in the past, and they’ll no doubt continue to do so, but for many of us such experiences can seem like something out of a fairy tale. Nowadays we’re empowered to consciously seek what in the past was often a matter of chance or “fate”.

The Internet also enables us to get to know and appreciate the inner self of a person without being distracted by physical attraction. In this way, we can bypass one of the major pitfalls of dating – one that has led to the demise of many a marriage. It’s easier for two people to ignore (or be oblivious to) differences and incompatibilities between them when they’re strongly attracted to each other physically. When interacting with prospective partners at the safe remove that the Internet affords us, we can take our time and make rational choices without excitement and hormones disturbing our clarity of mind.

Searching for compatibility with an intimate partner will always require a certain amount of work – and commitment to the process – on our parts. But modern technology has given us a tool to both broaden and refine our searches in the form of the Internet. If we know ourselves, and what we truly value in life, then we can use this tool to optimize our chances of getting to know someone who will mirror all that back to us. We no longer have to leave the prospect of true compatibility up to the whims of chance.

Relationships Compatibility, Divorce, Marriage, Matchmaking

One of the most difficult things to do after a relationship is over is to remain friends with your former spouse or partner. This can be a very complex matter, especially if the partnership ended through a court process with lawyers representing each party. We all realize that a lawyer’s sole purpose is to get the best deal possible for their client, so they may not be concerned in most cases, with the emotional bond that exists or existed before the relationship ended. They simply want what is best for their client, and it should come as no surprise that their own self interest is part of the equation.

Find a way to maintain a friendship

If a breakup isn’t the result of emotional or physical abuse, and the couple remains civil with each other, the best case scenario is to find a way to maintain a friendship. This is especially true when young children are involved. Children are very impressionable, especially at an early age, and can be manipulated intentionally or even unintentionally when one parent holds a grudge against the other. Sadly often in a broken down relationship, one parent will deliberately use a child as a pawn to turn them against the other parent.

Never use the children to try to hurt your ex partner

Whether it’s resentment due to jealousy or a means of revenge, attempting to hurt an ex partner emotionally or otherwise, is fundamentally wrong. Unfortunately this type of immature behavior may have a long term negative impact on a child, by being denied the opportunity to build a strong relationship with a responsible parent. Emotional warfare can easily backfire when the child reaches maturity and realizes they have been used for this destructive purpose. Then resentment towards the offending parent is very likely to take place and may not be reversible.

Try to maintain a sense of security and stability for the children

What adults sometimes forget is that their children are also dealing with a divorce, and can be harboring fears of what may happen in the future, after their parents separate. This is why it is fundamentally important to remain on good terms with your ex in order to maintain a sense of security, especially for younger children. It is also very difficult for children to take sides in a dispute between parents, as they are emotionally attached to both. For this reason, and no matter how difficult it is, parents must strive to respect one another in order to reinforce a balanced relationship with each other and their children, as they grow older.

Meeting someone else

Eventually, both separated individuals are likely to meet another person and begin a new relationship. Hopefully if a separated couple has been open and honest and shown respect towards each other, this should be a smooth transition period. However, it’s also a little more complicated now that one has to consider their new partner’s feelings about an ongoing relationship with an ex wife or husband. There isn’t a secret formula for the success of a relationship, however the key to maintaining a happy one means building trust. One must tell their new partner that the former relationship is truly over and the reason for keeping in contact is solely for the purpose of maintaining a good relationship with their children.

Honesty and communication build trust, and if two people share this view, they may avoid the mistakes of the past and create a successful happy new life together.

Breaking Up Abuse, Breaking Up, Divorce, Kids, Lawyers

This should come as no surprise at all to anyone who has spent even a little bit of time online visiting social networking sites and online dating sites. The information posted on these sites is rapidly becoming a primary source of evidence used by divorce lawyers in their filings of client divorce papers.

The reason is simple, of course. Cheaters, unhappy spouses, and others looking for “alternatives” to their current relationship make up a large percentage of people using these kinds of sites, which means they are putting themselves out there for others to find and meet. As long a their activities remain a secret from their partner, it’s not a problem; but once that partner gets a whiff of something suspicious it only takes a quick and easy search to start finding online evidence of misdeeds.

Lawyers are well aware of this, too, and more and more of them are including online searches as a standard part of their services when it comes to divorce filings. In fact, according to one of the leading professional legal associations up to 81% of divorce lawyers use some form of online research to specifically look for this kind of evidence in order to use it to benefit their clients. Facebook.com was the site most often cited as a great source of this kind of evidence, followed closely by MySpace.com and Twitter.com.

So what’s the lesson here? If you’re cheating, fair warning: anything you have out there is going to be found. And if you’re the partner being cheated on? Better check with your lawyer to make sure he or she is going to include this kind of search as part of their professional services.

Divorce Cheating, Divorce, Lawyers, Searches, Social Networking