It’s the often dreaded, often unspoken question for new couples during the holiday season. Will we be together, or go our separate ways, or the big day?

Unfortunately for this question, I can’t really give you any clever advice. It’s time to be honest. If you have family, you usually spend the holidays with that family, so the question becomes whether or not to take each other along.

For some couples it will be a pretty easy decision. Either you’re both planning to spend the holiday with your family and you know it’s too soon to “meet the parents” or you’re both certain that you want to be together on the big day, so you’ll work out schedules to make it happen.

But, in some relationships, one person feels “further along” in the relationship than the other, or one partner just has a crazy family and isn’t in a hurry for the introduction. That’s why I say it’s time to be honest.

Don’t avoid the discussion. In fact, the sooner you have it, the better. Otherwise, all your December dates will be clouded with the unanswered question. So, get it out in the open so that you can move on.

If you are taking your new love interest to meet your family, give both sides plenty of preparation. This is not a time when anyone needs a big surprises.

If you’re going to meet your new love interest’s family; make a good impression. Even if you break up later, you’ll never regret making a good impression. If you get married, you’ll always regret making a bad one. Take a gift for the parents, and try to fit in without being presumptuous.

Happy Holidays,daters!

Family Christmas, Family, Holidays

Colorful lights. Tinsel and wrapping paper. Endless advertising showing happy couples sharing meaningful moments together. And of course, those sickeningly sweet, sappy, cheerful Christmas songs playing over and over and over again, everywhere you go. Yes, it’s Christmas once again, and for many singles it’s the most lonely time of the year.

If you find yourself feeling sad, lonely, or depressed during this “season of good cheer” the most important thing to remember is that you’re not alone. The picture-perfect holidays featuring close knit families and large circles of vivacious friends are not real, but rather a deliberate creation of those who want to sell you something.

Instead of watching and listening to this kind of stuff over and over, why not take a different approach to this holiday season? You might:

• Spend a day volunteering with Habitat for Humanity
• Turn off the TV and the radio, and spend an evening reading a good book
• Visit your local senior center or a nursing home to play cards, help with bingo, or simply listen to the wonderful stories most older folks love to share
• Choose things to do that you want to do, not what others expect you to do
• Take a walk outside to get some fresh air and get away from the holiday bustle

None of these ideas will get rid of loneliness completely, of course, but they are a great way to re-focus your mind onto activities and pursuits that get you away from the unrealistic expectations of Christmas. You just might find that once you turn your attention elsewhere, you start feeling a whole lot better!

News & Views Christmas, Family, Holidays, Lonely

As the holiday season approaches (yes, it’s almost that time of year again) singles face a whole range of challenges. This is the time of year when society sends out all sorts of messages about how the “normal” way of being is to be happily involved with someone special, spending time with your loving family, and generally enjoying all of the benefits of being in a happy, loving, stable, meaningful relationship.

In other words, it’s a terribly difficult time for singles whose live don’t match up with this (impossible) ideal scenario. So what should you do about it? How can you avoid spending another holiday season feeling miserable or out of place? The key is to plan ahead.

1. Resolve right now not to buy in to the holiday hype about loving relationships, family, and the like. Whether you are in the early stages of dating someone or not dating anyone at all at the moment, make the choice to set aside the “Hallmark version” of the holidays and focus instead on approaching this time of year with the mental attitude that you’re just fine the way you are.

2. Think ahead about what you want to do on the actual holidays themselves. Do you want to spend time with extended family? Get together with friends? Get out of town and go on vacation? Focus on what you really want to do and then get started making plans to actually do it.

3. Stay flexible with your expectations. This is especially important if you’re dating someone but the relationship is not yet overly serious; don’t assume you’re going to spend the holidays together, but don’t assume you’re not going to spend them together, either. Try letting go of expectations for what “should” happen and just go with the flow of the relationship as it progresses naturally through the next couple of months.

The holidays can be difficult for singles to face, but if you plan ahead and keep a healthy mindset they can be fun and rewarding!

Family Family, Holidays