Ever since the fiasco involving “gate crashers” at a state dinner at the White House earlier this year, the subject of gate crashers has been more and more in the news lately. While the Secret Service is all focused on preventing this sort of thing from happening again at the White House, in the world of online dating the subject of gate crashers has come to the forefront.

What are online dating gate crashers? They are, quite simply, people who join and participate on niche dating sites without actually falling into that niche group. So for instance, on a specialty online dating site focusing on Jewish singles there are lots of members who really aren’t Jewish at all. They don’t necessarily lie about their religious affiliation because the site lets them select from a number of options (including “not active in the Jewish faith”) but they knowingly go onto the site looking for other singles when they have no history of being Jewish and no intention of converting.

The result? Frustration, for the most part. Imagine yourself as someone for whom religious faith is important, going out on a date with someone you met on the site. Now imagine what happens when you find out that apparently terrific person isn’t really part of your preferred faith after all. Another popular target for the “date crashing” crowd is the niche sites focusing on matchmaking wealthy clients. But that’s the subject of my next post.

The lesson here is to make sure you confirm details such as this during the “get to know you” phase of online interaction. This is especially important if you are looking for someone via a specialty or niche dating site. If that niche quality is really important to you then it’s in your best interest to verify the other person feels it is just as important as well.

Dating Essentials Gate Crashers, Lies, Money, Niche Dating, Religion

Yes, people lie. While this isn’t a shocking revelation to anyone, it certainly seems to be forgotten when it comes to online dating. People think that just because they’re meeting others who want to find a date too that everything is going to go perfectly.

Not quite.

Just as in the ‘real’ dating world, some people aren’t all that they seem. To help you spot the liars before they get into your home, here are some red flags that the person you like shouldn’t become a person you love.

• They never want to meet in person – If you’re on a dating site, you should be there to actually meet people, not just to ‘hang out’ in IM boards and in chat rooms.
• Their picture doesn’t quite match up to how they describe themselves or you meet in person and they’re nothing like their picture – If they lie about what they look like, who knows what else they’ll lie about?
• They can’t give you an answer as to why they’re dating online – Everyone has a reason. If they’re honest about what they want and you don’t agree with them, that’s okay. But if they avoid answering that question, they’re hiding a spouse probably.
• They only use free sites – If you’re trying to find someone to hook up with, you use free sites. But if you’re looking or something long term, you’re willing to put your money where your motivations are. Many people on free sites are just looking for sex or they’re looking to cheat on a spouse.
• They don’t look you in the eye when you meet.
• They change your date suddenly at the last minute.

Over time, you’ll be able to spot the liars from their profiles, but until then, it’s best to treat any prospective first date like an employee you might hire. And they have to prove they’re qualified and up to your high standards.

Dating Essentials Chat Rooms, Cheating, Fake, Free, Lies, Money, Trust