The world is full of songs (some good, some bad) about breaking off relationships for all kinds of reasons. If only it were as easy as some of them make it out to be! The reality is that you’re probably going to go through several different potential partners before finding that really special one, so sooner or later you’re going to have to face up to it.

You’re just not feeling it with a particular person and you want to break it off – now what?

Breaking up is hard to do (my apologies to Neil Sedaka) but it’s not impossible to do if you go about it the right way. While there’s no single “best” way to end it and move on, there are some general things to keep in mind:

1. Be honest. This is really, really, really hard to do. It’s tough to honestly tell someone you’re not interested in seeing them anymore, so it’s tempting to make something up. Don’t give in to this temptation because it’s only going to end up badly. It’s far better to open a conversation, share your honest feelings, and exit the situation gracefully.

2. Do it in person. Sometimes this isn’t possible, but if you can do it in person that’s the best choice. This doesn’t mean spending a long evening together and then springing it on the other person at the end, but it does mean having the courage to say what you need to say to his or her face.

3. Never burn a bridge. Old advice for sure, but still valid in today’s world. Never end a relationship by saying or doing mean things to the other person, even if it’s really, really tempting to do so. It’s a small dating world out there, and if you treat someone badly during a break up I can almost guarantee it will come back to haunt you at some point.

Breaking Up Breaking Up, Feelings, Rejection

If you’re in a relationship right now that’s not making you happy, maybe it’s time to take some advice from the current economic crisis and FIRE your significant other.

That’s right. If they’re not doing their job and you’re not interested in waiting for them to learn to change, it’s time to give them the boot, a pink slip, a kick in the behind.

It’s time to get fired up to do some firing.

• Make a list of their offenses – Before you talk to your soon to be ex, it’s time to sit and think about what you don’t like about them or about the way they are in the relationship.
• Make a list of their good qualities – But if you’re going to at least give your significant other a chance of saying with you, you need to think about the redeeming qualities they have too. You might be surprised at how much you do like.
• Think about a trial run – Just like a poor performance review, you might want to give your significant other a second chance to improve within a certain time frame. If they don’t improve, they’re gone.

Firing your significant other sounds harsh, and maybe it is. But if you’re not happy, it’s time to downsize your relationship.

Breaking Up Breaking Up, Rejection, Relationship

And then a few days pass.

And then another few days pass without hearing anything back.

What did you do wrong?

Chances are good that you didn’t do anything wrong and that you are just the victim of a normal fact of life – the prospective partner just didn’t pan out. They might not have been interested in you or they may very well have found someone else.

You just never know.

But instead of crying over this date, let’s take a moment to reassess where things went wrong.

Did you ask them out after only a few emails? Many people don’t. Instead, they carry on these long and involved conversations over email that last months, only to find themselves not hearing back from this person they really thought they connected with.

Have you heard of the phrase – all talk and no action? That’s exactly what you’re doing wrong.

You need to be ready to meet this person in person after a few messages. This will save you both a lot of trouble as you will decide immediately whether or not this person is worth your time. If not, no harm done. If so, then you can start a real relationship.

After all, it gets lonely sitting in front of a computer night after night. You need more.

And when you ask for more, you never fail.

Rejection Breaking Up, Failure, Lonely, Rejection