Every so often I hear a single person say, “There just aren’t any single guys/girls out there”. In fact, I can even remember saying it myself about 42,000 times when I was single.

It is true that as you get older, the population of single people may diminish. And, by older, I just mean older than the largest age group of singles who are looking for love, which are people in their early twenties.

But, one of the biggest reasons people don’t find love is that they don’t make time for it. You see, as we mature, we make a life for ourselves, which is good. It’s not a good idea to put off doing the things you want to do because you’re waiting for the right mate to come along. However, when we make too good a life for ourselves we may be reducing our chances of finding that mate.

If your life is filled to the brim with work, friends and family, you may be preventing yourself from finding a mate. If you can’t find time to search, how will you make time for the right person when he or she comes along?

We have to strike a balance between having a fulfilled life as a single person and devoting time to finding a mate. The right guy or gal is not going to knock on your front door tonight (or any other night) while you’re watching television. Once you’ve exhausted the obvious avenues for meeting singles, like work, friends of friends and social clubs, it can be very tempting to say that there’s just no one out there.

Remember, however, that you’re out there. So, certainly there are others like you. It just might be a little harder now to find them.

Dating Essentials Busy, Love, Old, Singles

There’s a new book hitting shelves on January 4, 2011, and it’s one that singles might want to check out. “The Science of Single: One Woman’s Grand Experiment in Dating, Creating Chemistry and Finding Love” by Rachel Machacek chronicles one woman’s dating experience in Washington.

Rachel Machacek was a writer for the Washington Post who signed a deal to write a book that covered the details of her one year experiment in throwing herself head first into Washington’s dating scene using every dating resource available to her.

Along the way, Machacek encountered many of the issues with which you’re probably familiar, like the guys who were absolutely nothing like their online profile. But, she likely learned just as much about herself as she did the guys she was dating.

For example, Machacek learned that she was putting a lot of importance on each and every first date, always thinking, “Maybe he’s the one”. Over time, she says, she’s learned to shift her expectations, which means that she’s a lot less disappointed when things don’t go as she hopes.

Machacek also learned the importance of just “getting out there”, saying that sometimes we don’t find love simply because it’s safer and easier to just stay home.

Machacek learned a lot of lessons that many of us need to learn. Check out her interview here in the Columbus Dispatch. And, if you’re so inclined, check out her book, which will be available in stores January 4.

Books Chemistry, Science, Singles

For centuries, it seems, singles have been looking for their match in bars. We’re not sure how the practice got started, except for the fact that alcohol can sometimes help people get over their fears of talking to someone they don’t know. But, past that, the idea that you can meet your true love in a bar is a huge myth; though it seems to be one that people still subscribe to.

In fact, in one study, just 9% of women and 2% of men reported ever finding a relationship in a bar. That pretty much says that it’s no better place to find a relationship than, say, going to church. In fact, going to church might be a better way, because you would, theoretically at least, immediately have your faith in common with someone you met at church. In a bar all you can count on having in common is alcohol.

Now, we’re not trying to discourage you from hitting happy hour Friday night with your friends after work. It’s a great way to relax, unwind and have some fun with your buddies. If you like to dance, going to a dance club is a great way to meet some new people or connect with your friends.

The important message here is to view going out to the bars and clubs for what it really is: a fun way to hang out with your friends. If you’re relying on the bar scene to help you meet your one true love, you’re likely to be very disappointed. And, to make matters worse, if you do make a match in a bar, it’s less likely to pan out than matches you make elsewhere because it’s typically based solely on looks and fueled by drinking.

So, look for some new ways to meet people. Take a class in something you’re interested in, like cooking, photography or a foreign language. Join a club or take up a sport. You’re more likely to meet someone you can really be compatible with – and you can save happy hour for your friends.

Dating Essentials Alcohol, Bars, Church, Hobbies, Singles