Thousands of happy couples. Thousands of marriages. The highest success rate online. These are just a few of the claims we are constantly hearing from online dating sites, both the major ones and the smaller, more specialized ones. But really, how successful is online dating? Can you trust and believe in what these sites are telling you?

The answer is a very murky “yes” and “no”. The reality is that online dating sites generally rely on self-reporting of happy couples and marriages, which means they need their members to submit comments, letters, and other input sharing their own experiences. And while there are indeed many success stories from online dating this kind of self-reporting is by no means scientific or reliable.

So what is a single person to do? Is it worth looking at the so-called success rates promoted by online dating sites when deciding which one (or ones) to join and participate in? The answer to that one is really up to you, but in general you should take these kinds of claims with a grain of salt.

In the real world of online dating you’re going to have to expect to have a lot of not-so-great dates as you move along the path toward finding someone really special. That, it turns out, is the real meaning of “success” in online dating, the willingness to persevere, keep going, and working toward whatever dating goal you set for yourself. It probably isn’t going to happen overnight, and it may even take several years in some cases. But if you stick with it and have realistic goals you’re likely to have a great deal of fun along the way.

News & Views Couples, Dating Business, Marriage, Success, Trust

Yes, people lie. While this isn’t a shocking revelation to anyone, it certainly seems to be forgotten when it comes to online dating. People think that just because they’re meeting others who want to find a date too that everything is going to go perfectly.

Not quite.

Just as in the ‘real’ dating world, some people aren’t all that they seem. To help you spot the liars before they get into your home, here are some red flags that the person you like shouldn’t become a person you love.

• They never want to meet in person – If you’re on a dating site, you should be there to actually meet people, not just to ‘hang out’ in IM boards and in chat rooms.
• Their picture doesn’t quite match up to how they describe themselves or you meet in person and they’re nothing like their picture – If they lie about what they look like, who knows what else they’ll lie about?
• They can’t give you an answer as to why they’re dating online – Everyone has a reason. If they’re honest about what they want and you don’t agree with them, that’s okay. But if they avoid answering that question, they’re hiding a spouse probably.
• They only use free sites – If you’re trying to find someone to hook up with, you use free sites. But if you’re looking or something long term, you’re willing to put your money where your motivations are. Many people on free sites are just looking for sex or they’re looking to cheat on a spouse.
• They don’t look you in the eye when you meet.
• They change your date suddenly at the last minute.

Over time, you’ll be able to spot the liars from their profiles, but until then, it’s best to treat any prospective first date like an employee you might hire. And they have to prove they’re qualified and up to your high standards.

Dating Essentials Chat Rooms, Cheating, Fake, Free, Lies, Money, Trust

Consequently, a lot of people are staying off line, but are also staying single.

The idea of background checks has become a popular selling point for sites like True.com.  By screening all of their singles, members of the site feel safer knowing that they are talking to the ‘real’ person they think they are talking to.

Or are they?

There’s a lot of discussion right now as to whether these background checks are actually all that effective.  After all, thieves and con artists thwart them in other situations, why is it so difficult to believe that they can’t slip past them here too?

Some people are crying ‘foul’ for these background checks as they generally are only a cursory check that doesn’t usually spot the liars.

But with potential new legislation making background checks necessary for online dating, is this combination of events setting up the online dating system for a fall?

If this legislation is enacted, more singles might come online, thinking that online dating is safer.  But since the checks are often meaningless, this might actually increase the dangers of getting online – more people = more problems.

In the next few years, this question is going to be something that people consider before searching for love online.  For if the checks in place aren’t really helping, then what’s the benefit to them?

Happy Valentine’s Day?

News & Views, Personal Profiles Background Checks, Profile, Risks, Trust, Truth