AshleyMadison.com - Dating Site Review

So, I have a love-hate relationship with AM. I've been a paying member for about 2 years and have hooked up with a few other like-minded women in that time.

There are two things I really dislike about this site.

First, the male to female ratio is quite high. I ran an experiment whereby I created a female profile that contained absolutely no information at all other than some modest physical dimensions. No check boxes, no text, nada. In the course of about a month, I must've received on the order of 500 or so messages, winks, etc. It was truly amazing. I turned it off after about a month… My apologies to those guys who wasted money sending messages to this fake profile. As a male subscriber, I'd say that maybe 1 or 2 in 10 messages I send results in the female having a look at my profile. Maybe 1 in 20 messages produces some form of response, like a return email. Maybe 1 in 100 messages will result in a f2f meeting. Bottom line, there are a boatload of horny guys on that site, females have their pick. So, good luck getting someone's attention. It is possible, but requires patience.

Second, I really dislike their process for censoring profile content. All text you write for your profile goes to some anonymous censor somewhere. I can see censoring out phone numbers and stuff, but jeesh, it requires a 24 hour turnaround for them to read and approve or reject your stuff.

Third, there are some subtle details of how they've implemented their site that leave me with a little concern about security/discretion. I'd like to be able to specify a generic location, like "SF North Bay Area", but instead they force you to enter a town/zip code thing, which kind of sucks. An earlier version of the site used to let you enter more generic geographic location information.

On the positive side, I like the fact that most people on the site are there because they are married and want to find a like-minded person. There are some fake profiles, ranging from those like mine (sorry, again!) to what seem to be obvious "flypaper" or "moneymakers" designed to attract lots of messages. You just have to get a feel for the site to learn how to spot these and avoid them.

Hope this helps!

Have any of you men considered that your wives are possibly sick of having sex with you? You get old. You never want to go out anymore, never express any interest in foreplay, and some of you lose the ability to even get it up. You stop treating your wives like women. So in truth, a lot of them would rather have sex with someone besides you. Women just have better control over our sex organs. Most of the men I met on AM were pathetic old losers. I'm 22. They were in their forties and fifties. Old enough to be my father. Gross. If a woman my age wants to have sex with a guy that old, she is either mentally retarded, or he has a lot of money. So advice for the men on that site. Don't send young women pictures of your private parts. We'll show our friends, and point and laugh at it <3.

I am 27 year old, i am in sexless marriage, i want good sex.

I just realised I don't want to live on this planet anymore. For all the people who access this site: go shoot yourself, morons! I read comments and I can't believe what retarded, hypocrites some people are....if you are bored with your partner, get a divorce.........@Smokey88...if Americans are interested in foreign women...well that doesn't mean that they are interested in you...because we don't like fat ass...i mean why i should be surprised...only in America these things happen.

There is a lot of user feedback most, of it is positive..

@Q Hi Q, yes I couldn't agree with you more, regarding your July 27th comments. See my last comments. I'm slightly younger than you but the woman I met, while working here in Hawaii, is your age. Many women have commented to me on AM that they are impressed at how confident I am with what I want and how I've so openly described myself, including public pics. And the private pics... ummm... those have gotten extremely positive reviews. :)

But the bottom line IS to take the time to sell yourself, while being 100% HONEST. I gloss over female profiles that don't have a pic (and a face pic is not necessary, y'know the whole discreet thing) or just check the blocks. I love the thrill of chasing and catching a woman, but I at least need to know we're playing in the same ballpark; i.e., have some of the same likes & dislikes.

But aside from the "chase" there are so many sex-starved married women on AM that don't want Brad Pitt. They are somewhere in the average looking range and want insanely uninhibited sex with average looking men. They don't want to leave their husbands nor to have some clingy guy falling in love with them. So WAKE UP guys! Start communicating more and selling yourselves. The site works and I have fun there. Go after them and remember - the gorgeous women only get you into trouble and fights... ;)

And again, great comments Q!

@imaginative.. I have had pretty good success on AM. I've only been on since the summer but I've met a great woman and stopped looking, even though I still have credits. I'm married and she's in a long-distance relationship. Since I work far from home, well, nuff said. There are some young, immature, single women on AM that are looking for the perfect "Hollyweird movie" husband, but that's their problem for joining the wrong site.

But other than those annoying princesses contacting me and whining about "are there any good men left," the site works. AM doesn't hook you up with people, they just provide a safe forum for getting to know someone without an awkward first meeting. I personally think it's a great way to avoid wasting countless, precious evenings on liars who are looking for a free meal. There are psychos and stalkers of both genders, so it also weeds them out. And yes, I said "both genders" because God only made two of them, liberals and unethical surgeons made all the rest. That's another good thing about AM, over other dating sites, the only gender selections when creating an account are man or woman.

But anyway, I advise anyone who is looking for extramarital sex with a like-minded individual to join. The keys to success are to post plenty of tasteful, yet somewhat revealing, everyday-type pics. Also, keep the OMFG freaky pics (yes, everyone should have some) posted in your private showcase that only you can give access to. Be brutally honest, and lengthy, in your profile comments. Talk about what you like & want, don't just check AM's stupid blocks. For example, I said that I am turned on by women who have a great personality, positive attitude in life, can speak intelligently about current events, have a flat stomach, are uninhibited in bed, and keep their intimate areas clean shaven. I made it clear that I don't want a supermodel princess or a woman that needs to spend everyday in the gym, or a salad nibbler. Looks don't matter.

But on a side note to the ladies out there (especially the neurotic, manipulative, American women), just get over yourselves and have some fun, before the combination of gravity & mirrors puts you on a prescription of anti-depressants and white wine. And for crying out loud, turn off the reality TV shows and get some exercise. American men cannot stand a lump that is addicted to the Kardashians & Jersey Shore, yet has no time to keep her belly flat!!

I would strongly recommend you stay clear of this site. Not only is it very hard to connect with others, the administration themselves are not honourable. I have been a member of Ashley Madison for a few years, and have had zero success. AM will tell you that it's my fault, naturally, but it really is a scam. I question how many members are real. Bottom line is, I decided to leave. In the process, I am sure my account got hacked, and I ended up buying over $100 for credits I did not want. I went back to AM, and requested a refund. I was elated when their first response stated "We would be happy to refund your most recent purchase, but we would like to consider.....". I emailed back, thanked them, and said I wanted the option of the refund. The next email from them stated I did not read the email correctly, and they have a policy of no refunds. So, they were not going to honour their email. Now, I am fighting trying to get them to honour their offer to refund. Bottom line is, the site is ineffective at meeting others, and the organization itself is not sticking to offers through a customer service rep. I would stay clear of this organization at all possible costs....they purely want your money. Don't fall for it.

@Luci Luci, please stop judging people and grow up. You personify the typical, nut-crushing, American woman. Your comment regarding not being married if it's okay to cheat is comical. That's because you American women use sex and the means of landing your husband and then you turn it into a control tool for manipulating your husband. You're scared to death that if your husband ever got tired of his every-three-month handjob, his twice-a-decade blowjob, or his four-times-a-year intercourse (which probably entails you putting a towel on the bed and flopping on it on your back & waiting for him to do all the work with no encouragement or participation from you), then he'd realize he doesn't need you anymore. If you typical American women could ever realize that American men are the most giving, caring, willing to please you in bed people in the world, then you'd have happier marriages. Instead, you teach your daughters to start planning their weddings at six years old, believing in "the perfect man" from a Disney fairytale, knowing they're going to be as miserable as you one day. In reality, your little girls are going to follow your failed marriage model, which is teasing and manipulating men until you see the first signs of crows feet in the mirror, then finally picking out the best stud in the stable to geld. After "your ring" is in place, you plan to change the things you don't like about him and chase away all of his true friends (you are not that friend) through sexual manipulation.

But Luci, sleep uneasily tonight in the knowledge there are tens of thousands of Thai, Filipina, Russian, Japanese, Chinese, and other Eastern European women who would be supermodels in the US, willing (and trying) to sleep with your husband at every turn. So the internet, coffee shops, airports, and tons of other places are where these foreign angels are looking for your husband. And the truth is, us American men tell you ball-busting harpies that we're not attracted to foreign women, especially Asian women, because we don't want to hear your mouths any more than we have to. The truth is that EVERY American man has a true softspot for Asian women. It's only a matter of time...

@Louise Are you kidding? There is no justification whatsoever for cheating in a marriage. Why stay married? If you have a sexless marriage, there is a deeper underlying problem. Do something positive for you both and seek out counseling to get to the bottom of what's really wrong.

This website is unbelievable. I didn't believe a friend when she told me about it, but yes Virgina, it exists. Why be married if cheating is Ok? Doesn't anyone respect one another as human beings at the very least, or are we all just objects to use and lie to at a whim?

@katherine l. You are so right!

@katherine l. No, girls being girls. It's girls the guys are screwing. Talk about fraud? Ha, include women at the top of the list. One minute they are innocent girls that never do anything bad, the next they're getting every hole plugged by random strangers.

I am a 47 year old Female. I have been off & on AM since Spring 2010 and have met several men for coffee/lunch. Two have progressed to a great FWB situation. I will say that there are many desperate men on there. And many don't take the time to be attractive to the women. Their profiles tell us nothing about what they are looking for - only check the given boxes. Many men have old or unattractive pictures. Take some time...

@Rex My experience with AM was poor but expensive. It almost seemed like you get a lot of response about the time your credits run out. This way it seems to suck you into buying more. I actually have ten times better luck just going to bars. Sorry, I say save your money. You can buy a lot of drinks for the cost of this site.

Contact me! We can fix this. I'm in the same situation as you. I understand very well.

Yeah, real classy. You are denying your partner's the right to information they have a right to know, whether it's lying by omission or flat out lying. In business we call that fraud and we sue. In the bedroom, we say, oh, boys will be boys?

I found that Ashley Madison is inundated with posers, fakes, wannabes, and possibly a few employees. Of course there are a few real women on the site who actually want to experience a thrill outside of their marriage, or just want someone to make them feel pretty. For those people, Craigs List would be more beneficial. For all of the single women on Ashley Madison trying to find a guy; I suggest Match.com. Ashley Madison is very expensive to use and preys on human vulnerabilities and susceptibilities to secure the next purchase of credits. Whether playing alone, or with my wife, we have found that AFF is far more cost effective, the people on AFF are real, the comments from their encounters are also real, not just nebulous numbers at the bottom of a profile. My recommendation - take your play and money somewhere else.

@ramon Interesting idea, but I don't think it says much about the male to female ratio on AM. How often do you (being a man) go into a bar and get approached by women soliciting you for sex, to chat, offering you drinks or whatever? Unless you are lucky enough to look like a Hollywood star, I'd guess the answer is not very often. The plain truth is that most females on the site (unless they are totally desperate) will sit back and let men do the chasing. So your "fake" female profile getting loads of messages, and your "fake" man getting just one doesn't surprise me in the least. Women on this site and others who I have met have told me they never make the first approach for the reason above... it just smacks of being too desperate. It's just the same as real life. I've just read the review above by Maria from Australia, and I would expect she is doing the same as many of the women on there. I'm 39, have met 3 ladies on the site and I have made the first approach with all of them. I've had a few approaching me but most of them seemed like "professional" girls on the job - could be wrong here!

Are there more men than women on Ashley Madison? Yes, probably. But I would say that just highlights the reality that men are more sexually promiscuous than are women. By the way, isn't creating fake profiles illegal?

@John Mazzitelli Right now it is the best game in town. But until there are more real participating women on AM, it is not-unlike walking into a bar where there are ten (10) guys for every woman. Not too much fun, I'd say!

@Stella Yep, the site is a great site for women but it stinks for men. I am 62 and live in southern NJ, USA. I conducted an experiment in which I created a fake woman of 55 years of age. I gave her a weight of 130# and 5'6" height; no other information was given... no pictures... nothing! Her name is on AM now. I also created an AM guy account also. Describing myself, 62, retired, trim-fit, educated-professional, above average looks (for 62), sports car (private photo), with all sorts of (desirable?) characteristics. Well, my fake lady gets hundreds of messages-propositions. My guy gets 1 (one!). Even when I do a search for my fake lady, she gets 200+ prospective guys in the 20-mile radius. When I do a search, with virtually no criteria for selectivity, I get 47 possible women. How many of these women are real is another question; since most of the have not been active on their account for 7+ days. Yep, it must be great being a woman on AM, but as a guy, it stinks!